syasya

TUMBLR

2012-01-30T00:22:00.001+08:00

This place has been abandoned for far too long. I am pretty sure nobody reads this anymore but for sentimental value I will leave it be.

Now imma move on to trying to keep my bababafalala.tumblr alive.

2011-11-21T00:45:00.001+08:00

It is like nobody ever has a real conversation with me. It is the same shit again and again. It gets sickening after a while you know. I am over it all. For now especially. There will be a day when I get bored and start my ways again but I need a fucking down time. They all just want to club, party, drink. Well hellooo aku da malas please. Thank you very much. And I would appreciate just a simple meet up over dinner or coffee talking about things that actually matters. And they don't include talk about boys or gossip. Byeee

Choco Mint

2011-11-21T00:13:00.001+08:00

You know that awkward moment when you start feeling so miserable you start to cry and then just moments later you try to rationalize everything but don't know why you even felt that way in the first place,

So she was having a lazy sunday. Woke up, lazed in bed, bathed, ate a late lunch then napped till the rain stopped. Totally fine and all. Just quiet.

And then she went to meet her mum. Shopped and walked and joked.

And then, she felt hungry amd wanted to eat dinner. But her mum was gonna skip dinner and go home. So a hungry her went home. End of story. Nopeeee.

She got into crazy overthink mode. Walked in her room, took her clothes off and laid in bed feeling so lonely like she never had.

You know that awkward moment when you have so many people and friends in your life but have never felt more lonelier than now. It is a terrible feeling.

I wanted to have simple dinner and there was nobody I could call up without feeling like I was trroubling them. I mean I know they will if they could but I just didn't wanna. Like you have the world but nothing belongs to you.

Loneliness wasn't something I'd felt often. Not until I had him and then he went away. Making someone a big part of your life and have it taken away, well that was what I was afraid of. But yeah, it happened.

Moral of the story: It gets messy, so don't bother trying.

ALAAA, da lah. I no know what shit I am trying to achieve by writing all of this. Work tomorrow. Goodnight.

ADNIR

2011-11-07T00:04:00.001+08:00

Finding out she's still talking and alive. Ouch.

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Never felt so fucking cheated, used and stupid before. Thanks, I am so sorry.

I hope you're doing well now but if you wanna know I will forever live with the regret.

Please, I don't need what was. I just need you to know I am sorry. So fucking sorry.

ARGH.

BYE.

September

2011-10-30T01:52:00.001+08:00

This come extremely extremely late cause it's already nearing the end of October now but oh well. I will do this post anyway. I loved September. I loved it.

Sooo, my short semester break of only 4 weeks has proved to be extremely exciting. Like I said before, I had a lot lined up and sure as hell everything worked out perfectly. This will be extremely loaded with pics and as usual most are already on FB but heck care. Here goes.

Adik's Princess Party.

As she wished, she got herself a 18th birthday party and this party will be one to remember. Went running out at 3 in the morning, strolled out in the drizzle, puke puke puke puke, food food food, kids kids kids, love love love.

Meet ALIFF.

Mum's Sisters and their families.

Gotta love the Beef for helping us out a lot. From the preparations to the planning and even bbq-ing for us. You are sucha sweetheart. Thank you. We wouldn't have made it fantaaaastic party without you.

Sober People Cam-Whoring.

Beef's 20th

Went on a simple Sentosa date. Got two shades darker after. But it was all worth it. I love the sun, I love the smell of sun on my skin.

This Boy sure loves being photographed. Tsk.

SHOOO CUTE EHH.?!

AND YEAHS, he is wearing MY tank top. He loved it too much he even wanted to keep mine. And since it was his birthday why not let him wear and pretend the tank is his. #bestgfever

Girl_inLove sia aku. Perangai. WAHAHHA

And when the night comes, we have the stupidest hangouts with the Family in Google +.

We hung out with Loxo the cat trying to help her get an escape route. Damn, she is sooo cute.

When he tries to cheer me up by bringing the club to me, he dances to Down alone in his room for me.

K's 19th. <3

Because I am on my own this year round, I just got her B&J. So it is just the both of us but it doesn't make it any less of a celebration. I love you girl for being here still. That's what matters. I hope you loved your card. I wished I could have it made it better though.

Beef's Belated Birthday Surprise

With the help of Budi Daddy, I managed to orchestrate a surprise for the boy at Adik's chalet since their birthdays were back to back. They came with a cake to surprise him while we were doing up the decorations for Adik's chalet. The look on his face was priceless. Couldn't have done this without Budi, Hanna, Sheila, Dhabi, Hafiz and Yan. Gotta love these guys for coming down and for making it a success. And of course, I had to get him a present....a Man U jersey. Jeng jeng jeng. Creative giler eh. Budi is my saviour truly. What would I do without him. He helped me pick the jersey even. Fuuhh, sayang lu ahhh.

Trying it on for sizee. ;)

SHEILA BABY. Sooo cutee right she.?!

SYAWAL 2011.

Went on my first jalan raya with non-family. Yeahs, for my whole secondary school life I did not go do any Raya visitings with them friends. Why.? I don't know really. I didn't have any friends ah maybe. HAHA. So I went as Beef's arm candy this year with his friends. No we didn't wear matching matching. I would be lying if I said it wasn't awkward but I managed. Oh wells.

MY GIRRLS

Some Travel UK campaign. I just have to try EVERYTHING.

No regrets

2011-09-21T02:32:00.000+08:00

We've gotten way too deep to just give it up now. Eh macam lapar eh.? Growl tummy growl. You so irritating eh tummy. Goodnight.

Saree

2011-09-18T23:31:00.002+08:00

What to do on a cold Sunday night at home.?

Watch classic Bollywood music videos. And this one could possibly be one of my most favourites. Just watching the music video is enough to make me all sad. So the movie itself was a definite tear fest.

And I can't fucking wait for this week but I need to control my excitement. Rah rah rah ba ba ba. Should have alot of pictures coming so wait for it yeahh.

Anyway, I need to come up with my Dream List.

Shall start it penning it down tonight. Some of it I'll share you now. So nak dengar tak.? ;)

1. Bunjee Jump
2. Wear a Saree
3. Get wasted. (Oh fuck, I did this already. WAHAHHAHAHA.) (Okay sorry this is not cool, for real.)
4. Bendu tuuu. TUUU. Yang bende tuu lah. TAU TAK.?! ASAL TAK TAU.!

Okay that's it. I want to go in my room and lie around now because I've got wayy too much to plan and I don't feel like starting on any.

OMG WAIT. Forgot to write about my result. Heh. They were released via sms on Friday morning. And I woke up and lied around in bed for an hour before actually reading it because I was too damn nervous about it. And, well I did okay. GPA MAINTAIN BRO. 3.71. Although I will never get to graduate with my dream gpa of 3.8, this will do I guess. I wish I could retake my Year 2 but it's all too late isn't it. Oh wells. This is as good as I can get. :(

That's it, last. Wan An. (:

AKIF

2011-09-15T22:54:00.002+08:00

Just pictures. My head is about to explode and I need the sleep so I'll keep the words short and simple.

Date Night

Ice Kepal.

When he tries to raise an his left eyebrow. FAIL. But oh so cute.

Boy_chubby.

Overnight Study Session @ Void Deck. FAIL

AND THE CAMWHORING BEGIN BITCHES.

UGLY UGLY ROOTS. BEYOND REPAIR DAMAGED AND COLOUR FADED. FUCK MY HAIR

Sunny

2011-09-15T17:13:00.001+08:00

FIRST AND FOREMOST, I need to to set things right as per my last post.

I wasn't talking about B's mum with regards to the mak cik paragraph. Period. I realised it seemed like it but it wasn't meant to be that way. It was merely a GENERAL statement and I never meant to make his mum out to be such a lady. And whoever said I wanted to get married to her son right. HAH.? Okay not funny. Whatever it is, I have to set that right. B's mum is (WAS) not like that. ;)

Moving on, results will be out tomorrow and this is the MAKE IT OR BREAK IT moment. Whether I have any chances on making it to Uni or not. I need to plan out my course of action post graduation now you know. Helps to plan, otherwise I might just get knocked up and get married, knowing me. Hee. Feeling nervous as hell about it too because my parents expect a lot because they still think I am their genius daughter. NOT ANY MORE. Sorry Ibu and Ayah but poly fucked me up BAD. So I just hope to maintain my fucked up lousy GPA, that's all. We shall see how it will be tomorrow @ 11am. RAHHH.

Anyway, I shall now start to complain about my lack of SUN exposure. Honestly at this point I am so utterly sick of the night life. Drains the fuck out of me. This is just a temporary phase because we all know how much I looooveee the night. But yeah, I was on my way home this morning when I realised I haven't seen or felt the morning sun since 2 weeks (or more).? FUCKING HELL. (sorry) I wanted to stay up the whole afternoon and bask in the sun at Paris Beach or something. However, with an extremely messed up hair and face I needed to go home and bathe which subsequently led to me crashing in my bed after my morning tweet reads. And after a nice 4 hour nap I am up yet again totally exhausted but not wanting to miss a lazy afternoon at home. So I am on the couch now loving the slight breeze, the sun and the the humidity we all love to hate.

Therefore, I HAVE DECIDED. That I shall try to make as many afternoon plans as possible and spend more time in the sun for the rest of the week. I've got it all settled in my head. Tomorrow I shall go "picnic" a bit, and maybe some swimming one of the days. (which reminds me I want a swimming cap because the chlorine is killing my hair).

I feel so chatty (typey) today cause I seem to write a lot yeah.? I LIKEY. Okay so moving on, I can't fucking wait for next week. So many things lined up but I am utterly screwed for all because I haven't done a single preparation. Die. But oh wells, procrastination at its best baby. Anddddddddd, I haven't told the girls yet but I can't afford one more night with them next wednesday. Tired as hell and sick of it, for now that is. ;)

That's it. LOVE you. <3

WAIT, I'll leave you with pictures of me with my bed hair. Teehees.

Muker ngantuk badan sakit.

Iman

2011-09-11T03:28:00.000+08:00

Wahai Kaum Adam. Jika benar kau kasih dan cintakan seorang HAWA. Bawalah dia ke jalan Allah. Nasihatilah dia. Perbetulkan kesilapannya. Jagalah dia dengan baik. Kasihanilah dia. Lindungilah dia. Berilah kasih sayang padanya. Hargailah dia. Ucapkan terima kasih atas kelebihannya. Bersabar dengannya. Terimalah dan cintailah kekurangannya. Jadi IMAM TERBAIK dan REDHALAH padanya

-hanishijab

How how how how how how. Different perspective, different approaches, different practices. What do we do now.? What do I do.?

Religion is one extremely sensitive topic. Thus one that I try to avoid at all cost because I don't like to talk on topics that I have very little knowledge about. But this is bugging me like crazy of late. So I trust that you won't judge me because you won't. So here goes.

Truth is, I know if it isn't my experimental, try-it-all, do-it-all nature, my lack of commitment to my own faith would be THE breaking point for us. I try my best but I feel like such a damn hypocrite when I try to be a good Muslim. It feels weird. It feels uncomfortable. I don't know where to start. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I should feel about it.

Kalau da jahat, jahat sekali. Jangan pura-pura baik depan Allah sebab dia maha mengetahui kan.? Get my drift.? And my upbringing, it's shaped my perspective and it isn't one you would call socially acceptable. But fuck the community, I always believed asalkan hati baik, jujur dan ikhlas Dia saje yang tahu bukan. And truth be told, I've never stepped in the mosque, understood what is terawih, tahajud, tahlil, worn the tudung, pray five times a day and I drink, swear and eat Subway (HAHA).

But you're that perfect man a girl wishes she had. One who wouldn't fuck her and run. One who tries sincerely to be a good Muslim. So tell me, where do I stand. What do I do.? I don't want to change. I will just be. Until one day you realise it's not worth staying for someone like me.

HOW HOW HOW.

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.
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ANYWAY, my biggest complaint has gotta be practising just for the sake of fitting in. To fit the mould of what society expects of a Muslim. It makes me feel so stupid. I know you have good intentions lah mak cik. Tapi saye tak nak solat lah. Saye bukan haid tapi saye tak nak okay. Cik jangan banyak tanye please, saye rimas. Sebab saye tau dalam hati cik secretly judging me, judging my parents, just JUDGING. And then cik will wish I don't ever marry your son because saye bukan orang yang baik. Because saye tak akan tau guide my child the right path. Because cik kesian nanti saye masuk neraka. YOU KNOW WHAT. FUCK YOU LAH MAK CIK. I have had enough of such judgemental freaks of my own community. (Though there are kind souls who don't judge lah.) People like you make me do what I do just to irritate the fuck out of you all. Well at least, I know where I stand in the faith deparment. I am a bad Muslim and I don't pretend to be otherwise.

HOWEVER, I am not saying I don't wish to be better. Let's just leave it at that.

2011-09-05T17:27:00.000+08:00

I would die for them.

Raya

2011-08-30T01:09:00.000+08:00

Honestly speaking, at this age Raya has lost it's magic. And truthfully it lost the magic the 11 years ago when my grandfather passed away.

All the awkward conversations, the family politics. I can't stand it.

This year, I just pray that Raya passes by fast and without no hiccups. Also, it means my exams will be over. So fuck raya, party hard.

2011-08-23T20:11:00.000+08:00

I think I just fell even harder for you (if that's even possible). Thank you for not giving up on me. I love you.

Rooftop Talk

2011-08-20T02:50:00.000+08:00

Knowing very well I could never look at you and say the things that really matter.

And when you said nobody could ever truly know someone else, there was a reason why I couldn't look in your eyes.

That's when we all wish they'd read our eyes. (Because then I don't have feel so helpless trying to rationalize these irrational thoughts or to try to even comprehend its existence and especially struggle to verbalize them. That's why people give up, and I feel like giving up.)

Purry

2011-08-20T02:41:00.001+08:00

Pictures, glorious pictures.

Most are already on FB so nothing new.

The following girls will now be named my ICE CREAM darlings. I know it's the fasting month and all but that ain't stopping us from going on them food trips. Yeahs, we plan our outings around FOOOD. So we had a picnic. The boys were sweet enough to drop by with pizza but I couldn't eat yet. And then with 2 hours to waste till time to break my fast, we stoned and make stupid faces like this.

So we pigged like we never pig out before. Tom yam soup, fried rice and Udders waffle ice cream just for my dinner alone. And THEN, we went to Swensens for ice cream and dinner/break fast in that same week.

Muker kenyang pastu manje.

Gone in 5minutes

And the next set of pictures were like from some time back. Before Hafiz enlisted all, we girls HAD to satisfy the sheesha craving.

Family Picture #1

Family Picture #2

With them sexy curly girls. ;)

Why so cute.?!

Plain water only. ;)

And the next set are also LATEEE pictures. They were from my birthday lunch with the PF dearies taken using Kris's camera.

Symmetrical.

Finally, I met with with Shai P*****. HAHAHA. I miss lepak session with this ultimate mat. From his hair to the cara. Namun ku tetap sayang kann. I know they say secondary school will be the best years of your life but mine was pretty fucked. However, at least knowing kiter kiter semue same-same kental da cukup untuk menyenangkan hati ini. WAHAHAH. Nonsense sia kiter sumpah. Mudah-mudahan none of us do the disappearing act eh.

5 years strong.

Buka by the Beach. (Likka cool)

We so dangeroussss~~

AND AND I got full marks for my FIM presentation baby. Well, technically the four of us did. So we had to hao lian a bit you knoww.

Shaw Mc Cafe- My favourite place to hang at in Orchard.

Today was my last day in semester 3.1. It also happened to be my last presentation. Sort of. Did a interview role-play. So we all so fly decked out in our finest for the last lesson. I KNOW I will miss school so this heart is heavy thinking of graduation.

GEL <3

The official pictures from that wedding. She looks like a princess and according to this princess, and I quote, "Good catch." Go figure. ;)

Gotta selitkan cam-whore pics eh. HEHEHEH.

Swimming and Gym.

After ramadhan, back to full force for both. BRING IT. Actually, I love swimming and gyming. Don't comment please. Hee.

The last few days prior to Ramadhan, Beef + Me everyday. Our failed date brought us from Kallang Leisure Park to the Pinnacle @ Duxton. The sky bridge. <3 We have had a fair share of rooftop moments eh. Our failed night also brought us to 7-11 for dinner. $2 cup noodles and gulp meal. And it's these spontaneous ideas that makes us and I love us. You are no longer a ChopStick virgin baby.

Doughnut

2011-08-15T20:31:00.000+08:00

I gotta do a quick one so I can get back to my Audit Practice. Fucking test in 3 days and I can't screw this up. So here goes. What follows will be picture spam first. WAHAHAH.

Things been well. Alhamdullilah, I am one truly blessed person. Will write more soon.

OH YEAHS, I have new phone Heh. Byee. Mwah. (:

Obscured

2011-08-09T02:41:00.000+08:00

This is it. The make it or break it. If I don't do well this final exams, I will leave it all. So many expectations, people and hearts at stake, I feel suffocated. But truly, this is the inevitable and isn't anything unexpected.

So I gotta suck it all up and deal with this like I should. I hope I make it, Insyallah.

Moon

2011-07-28T04:43:00.000+08:00

Here goes,

With all my projects submitted, I had to do this blog post for my dear dear dear, did I mention DEAR, friends and family. For everything you guys did I really can't put it in words. I appreciate it like poohh. (You get what I mean.?)

First has to be for K honey. Went on my tumblr dash and saw this post from her just for me. She put our UNGLAM pics up on tumblr.! :') 5 years and counting. This one really got me all sad and choked up. Remember the first time we celebrated at Pizza Hut.? And the hat, the rolled-up card and the burger cake. And how it went from 5 of us to just the two of us. Everything's different now. But I've still got you. And this I truly am grateful for.

(This were the karaoke pics in my camera)

Ohh did I mention, I absolutely adoreee handwritten notes and letters. Gotta be the best gift. <3 <3

My new dad and mum and sister.

Curly Girls.!

Hafiz's oreo cheesecake. (YEAHS, he bakes.! And its DELICIOUS.)

Not to mention he has a kick-ass room.

Ohh awak memang yang terbaik for putting up with my nonsense and that ugly aftermath. Ampunkan kerenah bodoh saya. And I hope that superstition about the perfume never comes true.

Half of my girls. The 3 of us can get into much shitload of drama and mess in just one night (Proven fact time after time). And I promise no more, no more. Or maybe sometimes. ;)

My fish and chips dinner looks pretty good in liquid form. Not.

Special mention to Darius Darling for sending me back because God knows where I might have ended up.
And to Kris, Kai and Darcus for a lovely lunch. That was a pleasant surprise and me LOVESSS the polaroids. :D
And to Trax, Nina, Joshua and KC and those two drama queens above for the make-up palette.!

AND TO ADIK, for wishing me 5 damn times in a day. You also had to put up with a nonsense me. Hees. So maafkan dinda. I LOVE YOU. <3

After self-declaring that entire weekend as my birthday, I had been a spoilt princess for sleeping in like a pig. Now, that I likeeee most.

This is more like a love post for my friends eh.? Well, it is I guess. <3

Soooo...

To wrap it all up, I decided to make a small video for all of you. I love every single one of you. I just felt like doing it for YOU and YOU and YOU. ;)

NOTE: I feel weird when I talk to a camera hence, the silent movie. And I apologize for the poor quality video (phone quality) and the darkness and my weird face(macam ader mustache eh.?) Heh.

In the Dark

2011-07-24T01:50:00.000+08:00

This is what happens when S has Beef. Princess alert. Meows. Sooo despite July being sucha bitch (thanks to the never-ending deadlines), Beef has been such a lovely sweetheart. So it all works out in the end. Of course, he couldn't get me a Purple cactus but the Pink one works out just fine.

And when you're bored with nothing to read or watch, you cam-whore. What's new people.?

Anywayyy, I wasn't wearing no makeup so feel free to glorify my eye-bags and blemishes. Gotta love them.

And lastly, because yesterday (technically two days ago) was my birthday, I gotta give some love backkk at all of you for the well wishes, surprises and gifts. It was a lovely 18th year. May my 19th be even lovelier. <3 <3 I'll blog about 22July some other night, or not. ;)

MWAHS MWAHS

HEARTS

Daging

2011-07-21T03:40:00.000+08:00

You put your arms around me and I'm home.

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

For A

2011-07-17T03:33:00.000+08:00

I wash my hands off of you. I tried, but this is for the better of me and for the people that loves me. I am sorry, it hurts. I have never, never cried so much for a friend. I have never, never screamed at someone like that. And I surely have never, never seen you like that. But when you said what you said, well it cuts deeps. And I can't bring myself to even talk to you now. I'll talk to you one day, maybe. I don't know.

And right now, I know who are the true ones. And for that I will forever feel indebted to them. :')

On a side note, Alhamdullilah because I wasn't harmed though I could have been. And if K is reading this I need to talk to you but not now but when I get over it I will. Take care and I love you. <3

The way you love me

2011-07-17T02:59:00.000+08:00

Okayy, by request, PICTURE SPAM TIME.!

They are not in chronological sequence because I can never remember my dates and days right anyway. (:

K's Wedding. ;)

Okay noo lah, my girlfriend DID NOT get married. Its her sis's. It was a lovely wedding and thank you for the invite dear. And ain't the little princess such a cutie. Tembam, I likeyy. Me and K wore matching colour too.!

Shrek/BB's Birthday

The curly girlsss.

This is SOOOO long overdue cause his birthday was in May. Heh. But either way, this dude has put up with my nonsense and crazy-ness since 2009. Gotta love you for that. And for calling me Bella, I'll never get sick of that too either. I hope I get to visit you in Canada in future. Imma buy a red winter jacket for that. (:

Kris Baby Birthday <3

Another birthday yeahs.! And for KRISSS~~~ Your truly here had orchestrated an extremely simple get-up turned surprise dinner for the birthday girl. It was lovely though I wished I had made a nicer card for her. And and I got to draw in her Biodata Book.! You know those diary notebooks you passed to your friends so they could write their biodata and whatnots for you. YEAHS, THAT. Kinda like reliving your primary school days. Loves loves loves.

Beef

(deyni nyer nak kene special sikit eh, menyampah. heheh.)

That awkward moment when your girlfriend has more facial hair than you.

And yeahs, I got mistaken to be an Indian TWICE already. What's new.? And Beef is my girlfriend and I am the boyfriend. Because somebody told me that I had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend. TEEHEES. <3

SY's House Visiting

Like a Dudeeeee.

The girls and me went to IKEAAA. Shopped for nothing. Just plain goofing around. Another one of my guilty pleasures.

My Advanced Birthday with K and Huda. <3 <3

K honey treated me to a 3hours long karaoke session for a 10days advanced birthday celebration. She is sucha sweetheart really. XIE XIE NI. <3 We crooned/melalak to ALL malay jiwang songs. A feat for me even. And the videos were just priceless. I had me dancing to dangdut, singing my newboyz and lastly, a minute of me eating cake. And I met Huda, too. Kaki karaoke baru guee now. I want to put the videos here but have no idea how to. Oh wells.

Beef, again.

Coincidentally, we wore the coordinating outfits that day. I had my final presentation earlier so that explains it. And of course, not a trip to Courts without cam-whoring on their Macs.

D's.

(Muker basi ni still in your mac. Keep it safe)

Stupid me can't figure how to upload pictures from his Mac so all I got was this. Imma figure it out soon, you wait. In the meantime, I'll let him enjoy that basi face in all its glory in his photo library.

Baby's

Monster

2011-07-09T04:20:00.001+08:00

THIS GONNA BE LONG. AMEK KAU.

I am sorry I became the very person I never wanted to be. Feeling very hypocritical, humiliated and down right disappointed with myself.

This, I have wanted to write since I met B. Since I became so caught up in all of it, I decided not to explicitly write or mention it here. But I've decided fuck it. This is my blog and I should be able to write what I want without feeling sorry, embarrassed or stupid for saying what I think.

So well there you have it. That's exactly how I feel.

And soooo, this is what I said just last year and practically what I had said for the past 18 years of my life.

I said, I didn't want a boyfriend. (But oh well, look who has one now. Bitch) What else, what else. I also said, I thought relationships were stupid/pathetic/shit/lame. I said I hated the thought of being a relationship. Simply said, I detested the whole idea of being in one at my age because nothing works out and I was also incapable of being THE girlfriend that everyone expects.

Honestly, when I said all of that I truly very much meant every single word I had said. I lived by those words. So very proud I didn't need no man to make me feel complete or happy. Because I was doing perfectly fine on my own. No, I wasn't lonely either. Because I got what I need from the people I love. Totally content and blessed I had been really truly very.

But you know what, Life has this way of messing up everything you had planned. I had planned to just go on living like that. Because why look for trouble by getting into the mess I called relationships, explicitly B.G.R. I had planned to keep living the fantastic single life. All the attention without the commitment, all the flirtation without the strings attached, all the fucking freedom to be with who I want whoever, whenever. Yeahs, that WAS the plan.

And then, as everyone would have known, I met Beef. (And no, I won't start no love story about how he makes me feel or how we met and then got together-this is none of your business.)

So things happened, (no, I didn't fuck him and got preggers), and then I jumped ship and went on a 180 reverse. All that fucking plans went straight out the window as fast and as unexpected as my hingus in the mornings. Yep, that's it. As simple as it is, I went from being single to unavailable (I still refuse to use the word attached, sorry) with one question. There was no 'Its complicated' phase.

You know that moment when you feel like you're on top of the world, only to realise the world's bigger than that and you could go on as high as you wish. Limitless opportunities. Yeahs, that is what I like to believe happened. I was happy, and now happier. (Everything happens for a reason and sometimes it can't be explained. It just it. This just is.)

Its been a few months since. But I can't help but feel like everyone is judging me. Because they think I was THAT GIRL. We all know THAT GIRL. The girl everyone thought was fooling herself when she said she didn't need a boyfriend. The girl everyone knows is secretly wishing she had one. The girl who says all that just to make herself feel less like a loser. BUT I wasn't THAT GIRL. And I can't help but feel like I've disappointed the people I love. I am sorry, very very sorry. I wish they know how much they still mean to me, and that I am still essentially the same girl just in a different circumstance. That they can still count on me to be there for them. That they know I won't lose myself.

Additionally, amidst all of that, I am now everything I said I wouldn't be. And this haunts me. The guilt, the humiliation and the self-loathing. Uh huh, that's eating me up alright.

(No, I am not breaking up with Beef yet.)

Kay so here's the part where I start to lose my train my thought because I don't know how to say what exactly what I feel right now.

I don't know how I feel right now. I am sorry.

SOOOOO, I just had to write all this out. Because I didn't want the haunting feel that I've disappointed the people I love. I also don't want to ignore the fact that everyone wonders how long I'll be with Beef. I also want you (whoever you are) to know that this isn't easy for me. That it is a constant struggle for me to hold on to what I was and what I am becoming. This constant nagging feeling that I will one day regret being with Beef. The fear that one day he'll too regret being with me. It isn't easy at all. Some people won't understand and some people do. It tires me sometimes. The confusion and all this UNNECESSARY thoughts. (Forgive me on the account that I am a girl. And we tend to over-think. Duh.)

But I keep trying.

Because I got myself into this. And I will make it all work. Insyallah.

(Yeahs, I know I might regret writing down so much here. Yeahs, I know it all doesn't really make sense. Yeahs, I know I am thinking too much. Yeahs, I shall try to be more normal kay.)

He won't go.

2011-06-23T02:36:00.000+08:00

So petrified, I'm so scared to step into this ride.
What if I lose my heart and fail, declined.
I won't forgive me if I gave up trying.

-Adele

She's got it

2011-06-23T02:26:00.000+08:00

Somebody control this dudeee. Just made my already wonderful life, more wonderful. Damnnn.

Don't wake me up

2011-06-14T02:28:00.000+08:00

These are wayy long overdue pictures. But who cares, they're on FB already anyway. As of now, I am craving like mad for chocolate and indian food and pasta and ice cream and Mee Soto. This BAD.

Becauseeeee... I have actually been on a diet for about a month now. And I have lost close to 2kg. No, I don't care what you or they or anyone has to say about me being crazy about losing weight. I have weight issues so deal with it. Imma lose what I wanna lose. Besides, I feel happier so that's what matters. So anyway, to justify myself I work out too. So I ain't just doing the diet thing. Its all healthy. I likey. And imma keep this up till I am satisfied.

And soo after about a month of watching everything that I eat, these cravings are badddd. So I am kinda half glad I am broke or else I'd out and about trying to satisfy them cravings like nobody's business. Phewwww.

One term is over and the term break is here. Bring the party on. No more formal wear thursdays. Time to start on them projects.

I planned my whole term break schedule out even before the MSTs were over. With Sy's help she planned it our perfectly fine for me. But of course, they're provisional so it's flexible.

Ohh and and, I wanna meet the PF people and D. Haven't seen them in ages. :(

B

2011-06-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

I miss this smooth talking, annoying, talkative douchebag that I just so happen to love (a lot),

and who's such a sweeheart to leave me be for my MSTs. <3

[ and who's looking mintak-kene-cubit in that picture ;) ]

And and after the MSTs, I'll do a proper blog post I think. Kinda miss blogger you know. Kay back to my notes.

X

2011-06-03T00:50:00.000+08:00

This.

Come what may, nothing changes. We'll have dinner and not talk. Because talking is weird for us. Just this.

2011-05-24T01:09:00.002+08:00

It's a blessing to be loved more than you love.

Can't get off

2011-05-22T01:57:00.000+08:00

My BBs.

So what's a girl with an extra 50 bucks to do.? Ask her boyfriend and boy-friend out to USS. My two BBs and me, we played hard that day. ;)

BUDI aka Shrek and ME aka Princess Fiona. ;)

BEEF aka donkey.

What were we thinking.?

And thennn, this dude comes up to us and asked for permission to dance with me. (I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel honoured, teehees.) They say you only live once, so dance I did. Twist twist twist. Gue maner ader pernah malu kan.

LUGE thereafter.

This was my third time to USS but first time paying for it. For battlestar baby. We did first row seats, and two back-to-back cyclons. Call us kick-ass. But the aftermath wasn't pretty. The heat was killing us and my lunch was in my throat. Not cool at all. But what matters was it was a day well spent with people that matter. I love these dudes.

Andd thanks to Donkey, we took the luge that night. I ALMOST crashed and burned TWICE. Because my helmet was choking me and cause I can't do corners. And I still think Donkey let me win despite him denying it. Oh wells, it was still lovely either way.

I am very happy to have met all these lovely people. Alhamdullilah. (:

Kay USS aside, I miss my girls. We should do something different instead of just lepak. I miss cam-whoring with them. I miss the stupid girl talk. I just miss it all. Maybe we'll get to do something this term break.

After watching FF5

2011-05-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

K.! I think you'll like this song. ;)

And and and and...
Black bikinis, I need black bikinis with gold details. And to lose some fucking weight. Hello summer.! ;)

Green

2011-05-10T00:59:00.000+08:00

Aishiteru.

Only you wouldn't mind that crazy messy hair and oily sweaty bacin face.

Velvet Blue

2011-05-08T02:11:00.001+08:00

Body ache. Head ache. Crazy eating habits. Sums up my current condition.

Sleep time.

But before I do, it is MOTHER'S DAY. What should I do, what should I do for my mother.? Rahhhhh.

Red

2011-05-08T01:53:00.001+08:00

5 years and still going strong.

It is rare to get us in one picture.

My "wild" girls. ;)

What would poly be without you girls.

Secret

2011-05-02T03:26:00.000+08:00

The person this post is meant for will never read this, I know. But this has been bugging me like crazy and I need to get this out of my system before it eats me up inside. I shan't name names. I shan't write anything that could give away his/her identity. Because this isn't my story to tell, but it affects me just as much.

If its love, then why do you cry more than you smile.? Why do you hurt more than you laugh.? Why do you fight more than you love.? Why do you bother hanging on to something you know isn't working.?

I tried to understand you. Why you are so stubbornly sticking through it all. But its beyond my emotional grasps, to put myself in your shoes and see how you did what you did. And how its very obvious you don't trust me because you'd rather believe what he said to you. It seems like its him against me then. So be it, honey.

But I shall be as stubborn as you are and not walk away. If you need to run, I'll still be waiting. Despite what he's told you, I will try my best to be the good friend. Because every night I pray that Allah opens up your heart and open your mind to see him for what he's worth, to see the destruction, to see what you truly deserve.

Nobody deserves to go through what you did. The hell, the confusion and the mess. I hope there's no sinister intention behind his doings, behind those words. Because if there is I don't know how to get you out. I'll keep praying for your well-being and your safety. You know Allah will protect you if you just went back to Him. Have faith in Him, and pray for the strength to go through it all. And Insyallah He'll guide you through. So please do what's best for yourself and put yourself first.

You know I care, I really do. But if you choose to stick by him, please let it be worthwhile. I would respect your choice. But just so you know, I'll still be here whenever you need me.

Because these people I love.

2011-04-18T01:16:00.000+08:00

2011-04-06T02:24:00.000+08:00

Because I took forever to get the Blue Fish joke.

If only we just kept silent

2011-04-04T01:00:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, we could all do with silence

The chitter chatter of everyday we can do without

Sometimes, we all talk too much

We speak of dreams, worlds and eternal doubts

Sometimes, we just need to feel with our hearts.

Because there's only so much words could do spoken aloud

So lets do ourselves a favour and listen harder

Everyone's got an unspoken story,

So hushed, so soft,

So strong, so loud

If only we just kept silent

Rolling

2011-03-28T01:42:00.000+08:00

Someone Like You

2011-03-20T03:03:00.000+08:00

Saturday after work,

We wished only.

Work work work. Everyday work. No time for anything else much. But it's good, I guess. Cause I have Sy with me and its just the training period for now. This weekend will be lepakkkk time. Hell yeah. The long bus rides gives plenty of time to just think. Everyone needs this.

And I know for sure that I am one blessed girl with a blessed life. To complain would make me a total bitch. Because this vacation has been perfect so far.

I got 4 As for my recent exams. My mum cooks for me everyday when I get home from work. My dad trusts me and has given me a really flexible curfew. I've got a good job with IRAS. My bestfriend has been such a sweetheart to me lately. I'll be going back to Screenbox for another job. And I've got Beef. What more can I ask for.?

Except maybe, I am praying that Aunty gets well very very soon. Because I've never seen her like this. And I don't wanna see her like this ever. Maybe I'll go visit her again tomorrow.

And Saturday was my Dad's birthday. Despite his shortfalls, I love him. He trusts me, he has dreams for me, he knows me. Happy Birthday Ayah. Suker tak murtabak tu.? (:

When you have all these thoughts eating you up inside, all you wanna do is just keep still and let it run in you.

Don't speak a word, don't move an inch

Just feel it and you'll know the truth

Sometimes it is better to not say anything

So lets just stay silent

And watch the moon

And let me feel the depths of you

Wan An.

Party Up

2011-03-14T02:36:00.003+08:00

There's alot I have to write about. But I wanna sleep early tonight so Imma just keep tonight simple. Just a round up of my first week of vacation. As much as it bores some of you, I love to do this. HEH.

It was pretty crazy this week. And at the end of it all, I've learned that I am sick of crazy already. Well, for now that is.

BBQ with the PFGC on Tuesday night. I hate ECP cause it is so troublesome for me to get to. Kinda felt weird also because I totally forgot some of their names there and that was awkward much. And most of the people I actually wanted to see either came late or had work. Amirah, fionn, kaleryn, darcus and some others didn't turn up. Sighs. But its cool, its cool. Oh oh, and on my way to the BBQ, I got a call from IRAS. And this means... I HAVE A JOB.! Starting this coming Tuesday. So you know, after that call I wanted to make sure I spent the rest of the week well. Thus, explains the crazy you know. I am not exactly sure what the job entails but its something like a call centre.? No idea, really. For the money baby. But anyway, I decided not to stay the night and went home instead. Smart move I guess. And despite all the Malay jokes they made that night, the best statement has to be Chad saying Malay girls are the best of all. WAHAHA. Totally made my night. (:

Wednesday was err, Crazy Night 1. Had dinner with D and met the girls after. That night was awesome. Next time will be with Gel and Trax too kay. Except maybe, I will try not be such a mess next time. What would I do without you girls, really. Mad love for you all. <3

Thursday, because I felt bad about Crazy Night 1, I decided to just stay home. And also because, the meetup with the PF roomies got cancelled. Not sure if we even get to meet before Jess leaves for US. Hopefully we can.

Friday is Crazy Day. I went for an audition. To act. In Malay baku(proper malay). Amirah was interning there so she told me about this open audition with Screenbox. And since K wanted to do it, I thought why not I do it too. It would be one hell of an experience. And sure hell it was damn fun to do. Unfortunately I had to audition separately from K. So I didn't get to see K in action. :( I did a few different impromtu scenes, read a few scripts. The best thing of it all, they said my acting was good. Siape tak suker dude, dipuji gitu macammmm. And of course, I got to act with some cute malay dude. But that's not even the main highlight. Doesn't matter if they call me back or not, because I am very very glad I did it and had an awesome time doing it. I don't mind going for more auditions in future. After that, we both just towned and shopped a bit. Didn't meet her for a month because of the tests, projects and exams. So duh, I missed her like crazy. (:

Saturday, Crazy Night 2. I don't even know if I wanna write about Saturday. Picnic with the girls at Botanic Gardens. My first time there.! SHO JAKUN YOU. And I didn't get lost trying to find them. So double points to me. Orchard-ed when it started to drizzle. And don't you just hate it when you're broke everything you see you wanna buy. Grrr. Never mind, soldier on. Changed into another set of clothes for a party at MBS with Beef. Long long walk to MBS, and dreams of owning a place at The Sail. Fuhhh, berangan. Anyway, it was another jakun moment being at mbs. Heh. The room had a killer view. And the skypark. <3 And then shit happens. Beefy baby, what would I do without youuu.?

"I don't care how I met you, all that matters is that I did." -Jack Barakat

Once again after Crazy Night 2, to make up for Saturday I spent my Sunday with the Sibs. We went to fly a kite.! They're so cute. I love them with all my life. We even lepak at macs for a while. My brother was high for no reason and it was hilarious. I love days like this. Haishh.

Eat this

2011-03-10T17:22:00.001+08:00

Last night,

Expectation:

Reality:

So I take back my words. Some people can't dance. Sorry.

And the cute one is gay. ;)

Itik

2011-03-09T02:38:00.000+08:00

Right now, I am so angry I need to fuck someone. Kay not, just kidding. Sorry, that's not funny.

Blasting this like mad so I can stop this annoying sense of anger.

But anyway, that's not the point of writing tonight. Okay, maybe it WAS the point. And I just realised, I have been a pretty active blogger of late. Mama, must be shoo proud of me. Not.

Whatever.

LAZE

2011-03-07T02:46:00.001+08:00

Bruno Mars- Lazy Song. THAT has been THE song for my weekend. Three whole days of pure laziness since Friday. Fuck yeahhhh. Somebody give me a whoop whoop.

The couch, the bed, the pillows. My best friends for life. Pure bliss I tell you. Smiling to myself just thinking of it. LALALALA. :D

If this could be how I spend my vacation, wouldn't that be awesome.?

Ohh ohh, anyway... Point of writing here today was this...

I love seeing people fall in love. Because girls are beautiful when they're in love. And I hope that they'll stay that beautiful always. So if you're a dude, you should know that when you're with her, she's most beautiful. (:

And how even when she's with her girls, all she does is talk about you and the things you do. And then she'll apologize cause she feels stupid sharing all that. But her girlfriends don't mind. Because as long as she's happy, they are too. The smile she wears just saying your name, I am pretty sure you've seen that smile.

Except until, the ugly sob stories happen. That's pretty much the end in our eyes. You broke her. That's what we see.

But then again who are we to judge yeahs.? Because, as with everything, it takes two hands to clap.

The sad stories, nobody wants to hear. But I do. If telling someone makes it all better, makes it just slightly easier for you, then tell me. Because when you just disappear and try to deal with that shit on your own, I can't help much. So if you have to know, I'll still be here. And I'll listen. No judgements, no comments. Just to listen. (I'll try)

Second point has gotta be...

I NEED TO READ. No, not just storybooks or novels. I have to be smarter. Get smarter. First, I should start reading the newspaper and maybe watch the news. And then, I need to stop being so lepak. Its time I stop being so apathetic about world issues. Yeahs, this will be my new resolution. Because a smart girl goes places. And I want to go places.

And imma get myself more involved in extra curricular activities (could be in or outside of school). Yeahs, I should. Its the experience that counts they say. And that shall start this vacation. Hopefully.

That's it. Pretty late now.

The King of Limbs

2011-03-05T03:15:00.001+08:00

When you let Sy take over your FB, THIS becomes your DP. And I've been spamming her phone with 101 faces of Syasya. TAKE THAT, GIRL.

Anyway, the exams are over. I am no longer a junior. SENIOR YEAR, imma take you on after the vacation. The exams were killer. With the 4 back to back morning papers, I had to go through Zombie-fication. 3-4hours sleep every night before each paper. And since, I am the kind who LOVES my sleep. That was hell. I was dying bit by bit each passing paper. Ohh well, at least I wasn't the only one. Went to school, and pretty much all of them were about the same. Gotta loves comparing the sizes of our eye bags and dark circles. And the one week abstinence from beef. All was good, all was good. ;)

The study break obviously didn't help. Sy, I am THE worst study partner I know. Chatterbox me. TEEHEE. School or airport or home, I couldn't do it.

Anyway, enough of school. I gotta sleep soon. Needa get my body clock right again. This holidays I need to do all things right. Can't fuck up with them parents. Have been fucking up alot since erm, since - Nothing I do is ever right. If Aunty ever finds out, ohh damnn. Sighs.

Oh and after the last paper on thursday, went for a Sy's belated birthday dinner with the girls. We should go out more often.! And take more pictures.! Next time I'll bring my camera kay.

To be honest, I miss having a girls's night/day out. Dressing up, talk about makeup, boys, jerks, other girls, what's hot and what's not. I am a girly girl. So you know, this things I enjoy. But oh well, gotta deal. (:

And the following were pictures from LAST YEAR, November 15. Adik's Bbq pit. Pretty old pictures. But I just HAD to share it here. Cause I want to. And I still had my Monopoly Deal then. :( I AM OFFICIALLY GIRL-WHO-LOST-HER-MONOPOLY-DEAL-CARDS.

Lastly... Self-explanatory. (: Heeee. <3

Sorry sorry, people. Soo tak perlu, I know I know. K is like probably thinking "Astaga ni syasya. Sikit2 eh." WAHAHAHAH. Sayangg kau babe. I'll try to lower the girl-obsessed-with-dude pictures/posts next time kay.

That's it. Off to bed. Wan An.

Scientist

2011-02-27T03:21:00.002+08:00

I should get a tumblr. I mean I spend more time on tumblr then on here. GIFs galoree. Hehe. I should but I won't. Because tumblr is for the "hipsters." Or not. Shouldn't judge yeahs. ;)

Anyways, gue is gonna go sleep now because I got a whole day of mugging to do tomorrow. Can't screw them other 4 papers can I. I already did the first one.

My favourite. (or one of many) ;)

Ran up the overhead bridge

2011-02-27T03:07:00.002+08:00

THIS IS STORY OF MY LIFE.

Sitting there thinking you haven't seen your girlfriends for months.

And then you see her across the road. Right there.

And then we notice each other and we're like AHHHHHH.

Hell yeah, this is FATE baby.

Imma happy and content bitch tonight. Moral of the story : When I miss someone, I kinda do some pretty dumb things. Like a post it outside your window. AND I finally met A. *happy dance* Now, that totally made my night.

BILER

2011-02-26T03:10:00.001+08:00

So this is what happens at 2 in the morning. Was studying for FOI and it got too much. And I decided to cam-whore with the basi face and the bed hair. The bed hair is for Beef. <3 In all its glory, I give you my stupid face.

This one extra extra from just now. My hair is being a bitch lately. SIGHS.

Ohh and when I get to picking at the warts on my fingers this is what happens. Fucking bloody. I likey~ At this rate, I am soo gonna develop a blood obsession. But but I shall stop picking at it. TRY TO STOP.

Barcelona.

2011-02-22T01:13:00.005+08:00

This is stupid. And I feel like a whiney 15 year old. But I

miss this. :(

We grew up. Is that why.? Nah, it goes back to the same old issue. People change. Circumstances change. Its just change. Yeah, let us blame it on the change.

Better

2011-02-21T00:54:00.002+08:00

Just saying...

That HAHA post. The one I "coded". Well, that was just something I had to write for myself. Its for me. It happened a long time back and I don't think it makes much a difference to X because he'll never read this even. But it was something I told myself I would do. And I finally did. That's the last of it.

And no I am not sad about it. I am alright. To be honest, I actually feel better. So that's it. That's what I wanted to blog about. Just to clear the air.

I watched No Strings Attached on Friday. Since 500days of summer, this is just THAT other movie. That movie, I'll always keep going back to for its funny, awesome one-liners or for the girl. In this case, its MY Natalie Portman who played Emma.

"If we were in a relationship I'd become a weird scary version of myself, and my throat starts constricting, the walls start throbbing, it's like a peanut allergy. It's like an emotional peanut allergy. " - Emma (No Strings Attached)

The Lazy

2011-02-20T02:34:00.003+08:00

OMG, WHY YOU SHOO CUTE BABYYYY. RINDU SAYE DENGAN MU. I WILL SEE YOU SOON. SOOOON. IMMA COME FOR YOU. (That is my nephew, Akid)

Kay sorry about that, he is too cute. And I want to share that cute-ness. Cute babies. They will make your day (as long as you don't have to personally deal with them).

Anyway, that's it lah. Post about babies. I am about three months preggers now. Like perpetually preggers kind of preggers. Even Josh pointed it out. But it's okay. I will deal with this. I WILL LIVE THROUGH IT.

And... I HAVE STARTED JOGGING. MUAHAHAHAH. Hidup baik, hidup baik. Amacam korang.?

Woahh, today I is very excited like that. My post got alot of CAPS. Sorry.?

Because you call me love. And make me eat

And of how we both took that 38

So then now you're the beef in my steak

And this, this is what I tell people is fate

AHMAHGAWD, I rhyme good. I could so be a rapper dude. Goodnight.

GERAMM NYEE

2011-02-20T02:06:00.003+08:00

HAHA

2011-02-18T03:21:00.001+08:00

Dear X,

You are one fucking asshole. No, sorry I take that back because, really, truly, this has nothing to do with you. Because you never knew. You weren't afraid, intimidated or bothered from the start. And for that, I may have taken a stupid step and fell for you. You were just different and I like you a lot for that. Know what sucks.? Well, I found out that the feeling was mutual. But the fucked thing is I said no, I said no when you asked me if I felt the same. Because I wasn't sure what I felt then and I needed the time to figure it out. I never felt so much for someone before. And I was truly scared of out my wits. Scared of what'd become of us after. Scared of what it feels like to be with you. I didn't want anything to change, you know. You said we were bestfriends and I liked that. So why change it, why move forward.? And it may have been a big mistake or not. I don't know how to feel. And this is the most fucked part.

Because, until today I can't decide. Can't decide what was it that I felt for you. Not why. But what. You're not a gentleman, romantic or sweetheart. You never wished me goodnight. Never asked about my day. When I was angry/pissed/miserable, you werent there. I had to tell you to open the door for me. You always complain you're tired when you're with me. You're always tooo busy for me, anyway. You don't have ambitions or dreams. And you're passive. So what the fuck was I thinking when I thought I loved you. Or was I even "in love." Or was it because he was the only one choice I had. FUCK THIS SHIT LAH.

So you see that's my problem. It weighs like rocks from the canyon. I can't help thinking what of we were. And if I should have told you how I felt. But it wouldn't have changed a thing either. You went back to her. That, I found out. And I felt like a fucking rebound. But know what, it still is hard to move past this. The could have been. Today, I met you. And like every other time I met you, Ill go home all confused.

I dont like you like you anymore, I know. Because I gave up last year when you told me about her. So why then does it still confuse me.?

But I promise, this will be the last I ever write of you, and of what we were. Youre just a friend, now. So I should feel like one. Thats it.

I am soo over losing my mind over someone who doesnt even know it.

Summer

2011-02-18T03:18:00.000+08:00

Starting to really hate blogger. So difficult to upload the damn pictures. Anyway, yeahs gotta blog now and gotta blog fast. Here goes.

This is for February. Its not over yet, yeah yeah lalala.

Imma do this in point form. My favourite method.

1. CNY Eve I went karaoke with K and Adik. Awesome duhh. I found my favourite Dangdut song yeahs, K.? But besides that, what happens there stays there. The antics and stupid songs. Won't do much good if word gets out.

2. Went to Kris's darls house for CNY. Ahhh, pineapple tartsss. Yums. Played Rabbids on Wii. Missed them like crazy so I was glad I could meet them finally.

3. Watched Black Swan. Missed the first 20minutes of the movie. But Natalie Portman is lovely. And her finger bleeding obsession, I feel for her. Stupid warts on my fingers. So ugly and unsightly. The urge to always peel, pick at, bite and then watch it bleed. Damnn, you don't know how that feels. No pain lagi.

4. Stayed in school till 8ish for theatre project and I think I kinda like being in school till that late. It looks good and the wind is pretty killer.

5. Theatre final presentation was BETTER than I hoped. But I still got a fucking C+. HAMPA BABE, HAMPA.

6. Valentines Day was kiki. It was for my single ladies. Because they all need some love too. My 05 girls and K and Adik. They all deserve it. <3>

7. Had free pizza for lunch thanks to the class. And finally met D for dinner. Stupid guy, with stupid comments but awesome nonetheless. Buat geramm je sia kau.

8. And then NANANANA, because I am truly to lazy to elaborate.

Because I am sooo lazy/not allowed to get a new diary I have to keep doing this on blogger. I want to be able to remember my days as mundane or exciting as they are.

AND I LOST MY MONOPOLY DEAL.?! :'( WHERE IS THE FAIRNESS IN LIFE, REALLY.?!

They say tomorrow brings better promise. And I may have found the truth to that. So let's roll baby.

2011-02-18T01:43:00.006+08:00

Extra

2011-02-12T02:45:00.002+08:00

You see, I really have nothing better to do. So I posted those pictures. They're from 2009 or 2010. Damnn cute much. Nerdy nerdy. I likey I likey.

I MISS A LIKE MAD. Fuck this.

Kay that's it. I should sleep. Goodnight.

UN-GLAMS

2011-02-12T02:28:00.003+08:00

Geronimo

2011-02-03T02:18:00.005+08:00

Heh heh heh. I can't help it. This is toooooo cute. Rahhhh. So now, korang leh sepak muker aku sikit. Da tak leh angkat eh. Nak sepak lebih pun boleh. Tak marah. ;)

Okay, enough of that. Here comes the "real" blog post. How real will real get.? Hmmm.

Now's already february. But first imma talk about lovely january.

School has been wawawow chickapowpow since the new term began. Because yours truly may have pissed off the great Dolores Umbridge Anak Babi. But at least I got an A for her paper. Though I am not sure how long I can keep that up. This ego of mine will be bruised, battered and crushed if I don't. What to do sootu kuduu.? Brace myself for that downfall yeahs.? But my mid sem tests results have been kick-ass fantastic. Straight A's baby. And my projects are all completed. MEOWSZA. Oooh, theater. I did bad for my theater. Apparently, I was acting like myself not my character. Punye lah disappointed. And didn't even re-do it. Because I was too lazy to bother and didn't think it was worth the extra effort. See, just thinking about it makes me feel like a pantat(ass). Rararara.

Enough of school already. The biggest issue now is the most obvious. But this I'll skip for now.

My girlfriends, they're missing except for one. What, how, why, how, why, what.? Malas nak fikir eh.? I shouldn't worry about this. At least A called back a few nights ago. Soooo, you know you know. Things are as it is.?? L, hmmm, this one I shan't write about. Moral of the story: I don't keep friends for long. I am sorry I wasn't the best, wasn't there when you called crying after a breakup and I couldn't come because I was "too busy" prawning with my friends. I said I'd always respect you and your way of life but I was always secretly mad at you for doing what you do. I am sorry you got this sorry ass bitch as your friend. And I lied. I lied when I told you I'd be a good friend, when I knew all along I wasn't going to be. Because, I could never be. I am sorry.

Sorry never cuts it. But oh well. Enough of the sorry shit already. Makes me feel pathetic. Sheesh.

To just sum it up, my entire january was nanana. Mostly because I had either project submissions or tests on almost each week. The only time I get to actually go meet people and catch up and chili sauce was on fridays or after school. Weekends are like rest days you knoww. My breaks are spent completing them assignments or meet Archie. You see, life's good like this.? Except that, I might get fat real easy because Archie makes me eat which I don't like.

And and, did I mention the couch burning saga. Noww, this happened a few weeks back but damn I just wanna write about it now. I went to Nabins to sheesha and while trying to grab my phone to reply a text, I forgot to let go of the sheesha thingy and it fell on me. The charcoal fell on me. So I flicked it off me and it burned a deep deep hole in the couch. Two holes. So humiliating I swear. People were staring. I was shocked, duhh. Oh wellsssss. It happened. Grrrr.

Ohh ohh, I haven't seen the PF dudes/babes for so so so so long. SIGHS. :(

And I might get a diary real soon so this blog could very soon be pretty over. Or not. :D

My hair is soooooo well-behaved lately it makes me a happpyy babbyyyyy. weeeee.

I went up to TP's rooftop. Lovely lovely lovely place. Trust me, we can see MBS from there and count the stars, pick what you want.

Tried both Gong Cha and Koi. No comments cause I drink bubble tea with no pearls.

Before it gets any more random and really stupid I should move on to my next important point.

HAPPY CNY PEOPLE.!!! :) (Yeahs, thats my important point.)

That's it. That was "real" and "proper" blog post. Goodnight lovelies.

Can't get any better.

2011-02-03T02:11:00.001+08:00

Natalia

2011-02-02T01:57:00.002+08:00

You knowwww, I really really had the intention to blog tonight. But right... I just HADDD to go on msn and totally forgot to blog. I can blog now yeahs, but I can't do my proper post because I have to go to bed like now. NOW.

Because, tomm is CNY eve and there's no school for me. BUT. I have to wake up at 10 in the morning. The little sleep better not ruin my mood.

But anyway, before you go to bed tonight hold your mother's hands. She brought you up with it and thank her for it. My Ibu's hands are hard, rough and even her fingerprints are destroyed but nevertheless it was that pair of hands that washed me, bathed me, fed me, dressed me. And for that, I will forever be truly grateful.

No more

2011-01-28T12:38:00.002+08:00

Aku tak puas hati giler. Nak marah pun tak boleh. Kalau boleh, aku nak rembat kau sampai mati tapi death is in God's hands, not for me to decide. Aku nak bakar kau, and that whole room because I don't want to ever be reminded of you and who you are and what fucking fuck you did. Kesian pun susah. Kadang2 this place feels like a shit hole. But it only feels like one because of you. Bende senang kau tak leh buat, tapi what to dooo kau da tuer. Siape punye salah.? Nobody. Its's nobody fault's and thats the most frustrating part. I can't blame you, because I feel sorry for you sometimes. Itu yang lagi cheebai. Aku boleh kesiankan lagi. Asal kau perangai syasya.

Sorry, I know some of you hate it when I blog in malay cause you don't understand shit but fuck when I am angry malay it is.

Now what else, first I can't get hold of L and now I can't get A. I think they changed number/phone spoil/grounded/busy/sick. Oh well, I am truly too tired to think about this now. I've got a finance test tomm morning and I haven't studied shit. Home no longer feels like home with the fucker around.

This is fucked friday. YAY. But good things will come soon after, I know. Soo patience, syasya. Patience.

Anyway, should I even salvage the situation before bridges are burnt. Nahh, we shall see. Too tired. Lagi baik aku fikir pasal skola. Tak se-stress korang.

Do I even wanna go back to school for IF lecture now.? Yeah, I should. Better than wasting my time finding blame for all the wrongs.

For the

2011-01-27T01:06:00.002+08:00

Supposed to have gone off to bed now. Because tomm I have a lecture at 8am in the morning. But I have to blog. I just got to.

Right now this what I feel like:

1. I need to party. Just go out. But not until finance test this saturday is over.

2. Its my best friend's birthday and I was the first to wish. AWEESOMEE.

3. Should give F a call some night.

4. Miss A like crap.

I need more time.

You have to give me more time.

Please just give me more time.

Fader

2011-01-17T19:24:00.003+08:00

Things I should really do soon but know I won't: (cause I am TOO lazyy)

1. Get a new pair of ear studs.

2. Talk to L.

3. Paint my nails.

4. Get my brother a gift.

5. Get my money back.

6. Get my money back.

7. Get my money back.

8. Download new songs.

9. Talk to L.

10. Take more pictures.

There are sooo many things I need to tell her, but then its not my life. I never interfered before, so why should I start.? You're messing up but its your fucking fault.??? Oh well, gotta live. The power of apathy.

whoo

2011-01-10T01:25:00.002+08:00

I am really really bad with dates. But I need to remember these dates. I will lose them if I tweet them. So blog, here you go.

26 Nov.

2 Dec.

2 Jan.

Wonderful

2011-01-10T00:44:00.002+08:00

Me loves my twitter. (:

So anyway... (this is pretty random)

Soon, my sister will get her O level results. RAHHHH. I feel very nervous somehow. She'll be in poly soon. This is weird. Imagine going to school and fighting for clothes with her. Knowing she's in the same school as me (if she goes to TP). And worst off, we have same friends. Scary mami. Aiyayaya.

And my baby brother is in sec school. Why people why, stop growing up. I haven't finished fucking up me teenage years yet. I just started.

What the shit am I writing anyway. Ohh yeah, I remembered when I took my results 2 years ago I wasn't scared. And worst, when I knew I got 10 and 7, I was just blahhh. No excitement. And I didn't go for prom. And I didn't keep in touch with the sec school people. Kinda feeling the regret now. Could have made those years the best years of my life but I didn't. And who's to blame.?

GET READY

2010-12-27T01:42:00.022+08:00

Sooo, its that time of the year. The time we all start reminiscing the year and how it's been. And I promised myself I will write about my 2010 because this is really one fucking year I want to remember for life. Therefore, be prepared for a wordy nonsense sentimental post. OR, you could just skip to the part related to you.

2010 was shit ass fucked the first part of the year. By fucked I mean it in a MAJOR wayy. But then again, not everything should be written here right. ;)

1. This was a year of firsts. All sorts of firsts for me. A hell lot of experiences gained I must say. First time, I tried sushi ( I DON'T LIKE IT). My first bikini (pink and loving it). First time doing my hair. Its still a pretty brown colour now. Wore contact lens. Became makeup siao. First school trip out of Singapore (PF). Volunteered for an event (YOG). First time prawning. First time "acting" in a video. First time on a motor bike. Watched HP at the movies, yeahs it was my first time. Took underwater pictures. Asked a guy out. Fed fire into some dude's mouth. Stole a box of lightsticks. Talked on the phone with a guy. Timbre-ed. Karaoke-ed till 6am. Watched a horror movie at 2 in the morning. Watched a friend's gig. Tried to play the guitar. Fell hard for someone.

2. Also a year for heartbreaks, pointless infatuation and tested friendships (sounds hella cheesy much). But yeah, I lost a lot and found a lot at the same time. The heart works in mysterioussss ways. Teehee. I thought I was "in love" with someone but its bullshit. We were friends damn it. Still am, so that's good enough. I talked(a few lines) to E. At least we talked a bit right.? So I don't feel like we were total strangers. And, I helped a friend through fucking stupid shit but regret ever been involved. It was like murder and I was the accomplice. Why oh whyy. Also, found out who my real friends are. Never never never ever judge a person based on their looks. Because if I did, I wouldn't have found some of the best friends I've ever had. This year, also had me in a twisted knot. Couldn't think of a nice enough way to say noo and end up as the bitch. Ohh well, I lived. :D

3. A year for change. A WHOLE LOT OF CHANGES. But this is obvious much. Everyone does.

And finally, these are THE people who made a whole lot of difference to me. Actually, there's A WHOLE LOT of people but I can't write for everyone and not all of them reads this blog anyway. Amek kau ni.

1. Siti Nurlinda.

Imma actually write this on your blog. I wanted to hack into your blog and write this but I don't think I can do it before New Year. So here goes. You're my best friend, my lover, my sister, my buddy, my bitch all combined into one beautiful package. Honestly, you are Allah's best gift to me, ever. Without you, I'd be nothing at all. I mean all of this. When I couldn't find it in me to admit that I loved you-know-who, you told me there was nothing wrong in loving. When I felt like I wasn't capable of being loved by anyone, you showed me any girl could if she believed. When I felt like giving up on my dreams, I'll look at you and remember what I was fighting for. Allah knew I needed you and he gave me you. For this, I'll be forever grateful. Because sisters do not happen by chance or by luck. Sisters are fated, my dear. Easy said, there's nothing better than having a sister like you. I love you.

2. K

Like you said, everyone in your life is meant to be a part of your journey. And you're in mine. We became friends by chance 3 years ago. And through it you have always been someone I knew I could depend on. You listened to me ramble when I can't find the right words to tell you my stories. You remind me of what a girl should be like, always. And I should be more like you. ;) We like to make up all these plans that never happen. But I like it. HAHA. You intro-ed me to the life of Karaoke and Doughnuts. Brought me to Kg Glam Cafe, Flyer, almost went to IMH, taught me where to get cheap contacts. Never fail to send me all these pantuns on occasions. And I know, we each went through some tough shit this year but we made it through. Next year, is gonna be better. Each year it does. Next year kita gi road trip eh, girl.?? ;)

2. A

You, I want to give you a big hug right now because I miss you honey. I know you rarely read my blog but imma write this anyway. You're one hell of a tough bitch to make it through 2010 and I love your strength. There will never be a girl like you. Thats a compliment kay. I know, I wasn't there a lot. And I am truly sorry. :( You're always looking out for me and you're like my bodyguard in that sense eh.? Telling me what to look out for in the jerks and what the bitches are saying. You're like my encyclopedia too. I learn quite a lot from our lepak sessions. We do some pretty stupid things when we lepak. Bedok Res twig rings, sleeping there, the pakcik gatal of Bedok Blk 411, the fat boy at Bedok Lib, the oreo cheesecake at paris, JL days with you. You're awesome, meet me soon kay. (:

3. D

What do I say. There's a lot I wanna write about you but never know where to start. You never read my blog too. The number of times we met this year I can count with my fingers. But you're someone I wanna keep in my life. That's it. You're you. Gotta love you for that.

4. Fifi Gemuk

Jgn merajuk, the gemuk main2 je. HEHE. Fi, he's my buddy. We've never met but you sure do know a whole lot about me than I wished. But I like telling you my stories, my gossips. Something about you, you know. I like talking to you too. I can talk about boobs, boys, love with you. And you're the first dude I ever talked on the phone with too. Kental me. But you're awesome and I like you for that. You're a good friend, but just don't do the dissapearing act on me. One day, we will meet.

5. Siying

My sweetheart. The sweetest bitch you can find. MUAHAHA. But seriously, she's MY darling. We go on stupid "shopping trips" but never buy anything. We want to do everything but never do them. Badminton, pilates, gym, running. What else.? You are one damn good listener. I talk and bullshit all but you like either pretend not to hear me or is really listening. heee. Them guys, we could never understand them. From our YOG days, the failed shopping sprees, butter experience, we turned out awesome. Next year, YOU will have to help me pass my NAPFA. ;)

Okay, that's it. I really want to write more more more more BUT really no time cause I gotta go change and get ready for coundown later.

But there are other people like Joshua my big brother, Jason my Malay Friend, the Brotherhood, my 05 girls, Budi, the other PF people (Kai, Kal, Jess, Amirah all), Archieeee. Damn so many people lahh, but you get it. Everyone who made 2010 kick ass. I couldn't have asked for a better year.

Insyallah, 2011 will be a sweetheart to us all yeahs.

Or else...

2010-12-22T18:30:00.002+08:00

Semester 2.2 is halfway through already. Time has its way of playing with your mind. One minute you're dreading going back to school, the next you're partying your term break away.

This term break has been very depressing. Not. :D

On the last day of my paper, went to Timbre. First time being there, actually. Nooby. But my 05-ers have been there for most of my firsts. First time prawning they brought me. First time thon. A lot of other first times. Gotta love them you knoww. So yeah, I waited for an hour-ish for a table for the 9 of us. Talked boys, dating and the like while waiting. Cam-whored a bit,

too. When we finally got a seat, damn we were freaking happy. Legs were already dying by then. Had the pizza, and buffalo wings and the wedges. Tried 3 drinks that night. The ambiance was good. I like that place. So I guess it was worth the wait. Left so we could catch the last train. Blew all my money there so no cabbing home that night. Initial plan was to head to powerhouse but like I said, I was broke by the end of that night so I had to give it a pass.

The weekends was spent with lovely Sister. Went to the flea at Airport, shopped at tamp. Could have bumped into archie but nah nah nah. There is only how many times we can bump into each other, yeahh.? ;)

Was broke but I got to watch Tron with the PF people. I think it was Dar or Kai's treat. ;)Walked around MBS and made a fool of ourselves. Wasn't feeling too good that day though. Had a throbbing headache and stomach cramps and the rain didn't help either. Bumped into Lulu too.

Was again broke on tuesday but watched Narnia with D anyway. His treat mahh. Then left for PF's chalet at downtown. Wanted to drop by only cause I wanted to head home early that night. And since 2R6 was also having a chalet there might as well drop by and say hi to them right. Which I did. And damnnn, awkward much. Left in a hurry to meet Adik since she was in the area too.

So now is only the third day of the holiday. Wednesday. And my day was spent running errands. Wanted to head to the library and have my dinner later BUT change of plans. Now gotta change and head to City Hall. I hope I have fun tonight. Ciao bella~~ ;)

BILIK PINK

2010-12-22T18:01:00.001+08:00

K

2010-12-15T18:11:00.002+08:00

Haven't posted a video since forever. So there, my ideal guy. Chey perasan. ;) But really, look at him. Yummyy~

Make sense

2010-12-02T19:50:00.001+08:00

THIS IS TOTALLY RANDOM. I MISS PF, SO SOME RANDOM PICTURES PUN JADI LAHHHH. (:

Walk the talk

2010-12-02T17:55:00.003+08:00

Haiyaa, why am I still blogging, really.? But I will do myself a huge favour and still blog because I need to justify the reason for not deleting my blog. Makes sense.? No, not really right.?

Soo for november I had only ONE pathetic post. Why siaa whyyy.???!! I wasn't THAT busy, I know. Hmmmm. So let's see. What should I write about today..... (Most of my life is on Twitter now. So maybe that's why lesser blog posts.)

I am very very happy and content as at Dec 2 2010. Chey, ader macam financial statements takk. Tak faham, kau pe pasal. I'll try and recall as much as possible all that has happened though that will be pretty difficult.

First, I finallly FINALLY FINALLYYYYYY went to NYP to see K dear. It took me 3 semesters before I finally went over there. She had her attachment till late and I had no school so why not right.?? Took 72 and alighted at the wrong stop. Had to walk from engine school all the way to her store. And yeahs, K is working in challenger. Even appeared in the news siaa her face.! KENCANG pe gf gue. So yeahh, while I struggle trying to find her I bumped into Darius Darlinggg. Fated pe siaa we both. Talked and waited. Had dinner. And then, I had to get into a fucking fight with Daddy. Memang sialan betul lahh. Still makes me mad thinking about it. So that was it.

Things have been pretty tensed at home. What with all the fucking resentment and unhappiness that we are so blindingly trying not to acknowledge. Its like an elephant in the room, hello. But then again, that's how we've always been.

Went to Adik's pit, watched Kevin's gig, bought a cactus, finished reading my True Blood series (WHOOPIE), IRAS visit, watched Harry potter 2weeks after its opening, Trybe's open house, nip slips blah blah blah. (:

Have been having a lot of catch-up dinners/session also. With my PF roomies and Kai. With my brothers. With Budi. With L. With everyone really. Except D. That one gone case, nak jumpe macam nak jumpe president. Had a good laughing fit every time. Like how, Kai bumped his head and fell down in Cafe Cartel. Like how, my sis and me walked around Simei and me acting wild. Like how, A stood in the rain to bodek the teacher for her lateness. Like how, my sister tried to piggy back me at Paris. Bitching about old friends with L. Disturbing Sy about every single thing. Life's good, I guess. (: And also, talking to E. That is one surprise no.??

So anyway, I need to take more pictures. Boring lahh no pictures.

Now, I feel like getting my pink bikini out and play in the sun. Picnic and all. But december, is monsoon season and everyone is busy. SIGHS. I also feel like some sheesha, shopping and timbre. Hmm, alot of feels tu. Oooh, and my feet needs to be taken care of. The fucking corn thingy is killing me. GRRRR.

And this next issue. This issue is bothering me. I am not the same person no more but some people don't get it. And this is why I can't seem to convince you how things have changed and I have too. You still see me the way you did 5 years ago. It frustrates me. You should see your reaction when you found out I went out with so and so. How you still live in the past and never seem to want to move on. Where do I even start.? But, for old time's sake, I'll let it go.

Which reminds me, I need to get my bronze nail polish. And find birthday presents. Duit gue, duit gue this month flowing out like water. :(

And I gonna start my complaint now. I DON'T like pussies. No not THAT pussy. I mean cowards. If you want, I will give you a chance. But for that, I need you to try. To get closer. If all I hear is talk and words from anyone but you, I won't give a shit. I need you to make the effort. That's how I roll, baby. You don't say anything, don't do anything. Gitu macam, gue tak main please. So thank you very much, but this is it. Tak try, tak dapat boy.

Maybe now, maybe now that I no longer feel the same
We'll be more
Because it's way easier now
With nothing else to fight for

Only Girl

2010-11-21T02:22:00.002+08:00

WOW. I actually forgot I had a blog you know. Yeahs, this blog should really be deleted I know. BUT HELL NO. I can't bear to delete my memories. MUAHAHAH

So why am I still typing away like I've got something to say.? Well, that's because its almost 3am and I don't want to sleep yet and I don't want to clean up his mess either. Go figure.

Things have been really rough, to say the least. It could have just been PMS. Or it could have been more than that. Its shitty, crappy, whiny me right now. Had to pick my electives which gave me a lot of thinking to do. And I finally picked Accounting. No surprise there. Then, there are the OTHER issues which are kinda personal. Should I even be writing about it.?

No I shouldn't. Keep my mouth shut. BYE.

You're a conflict. I need my brain straight.

Ghosts

2010-10-31T01:15:00.003+08:00

Just realised I haven't taken many pictures in a long time. I mean my own cam-whore pictures kind. WOW. No more pictures for me to post here. Good, bad, don't care.

Anyway, yeahh there's nothing much to write here actually. But I am really bored. Haven't washed my makeup off yet. And about to sleep soon. My first week of school was ermmm boring. Yeah I thought I told myself to work harder but you know me. I am married to Laziness. So yeahh, been to school and back. At least my dad will stop complaining.

Now, I can't wait to get my sister back.! She and her O's. GRRRRR.

Own the night

2010-10-26T23:58:00.002+08:00

Gonna have the confidence, that I've moved beyond the shit and we'll keep this going for as long as you're willing.

There's alot more to me than I thought. Never thought I'd go this far, changed this much but I did. With eager anticipation, I await for more stars in the coming years. I gotta be grateful to have come this far yeahs. Alahamdullilah. (:

And for those, I have bruised, scratched and broken.... well, life is life and you just gotta deal with it and I am indeed sorry for it.

Don't promise me

2010-10-24T02:59:00.002+08:00

I feel guilty tonight.

Tonight, I had an unthinkable intention. I feel bad for even thiking of it. And I realise I really need to get my game together. No more thinking I can play these people around. Like its fun and its a game. Because it is so not. I need my conscience back.

There has to be an end to all this. And I hope I am on my way to it. I hope I don't get my heart stolen or broken in the mean time.

Just saying.

dark

2010-10-22T01:49:00.003+08:00

HEHEHE. Kental me. Yeah I had rebonded fringe and also had short above-the-shoulders hair at some point in time.

At least I still have the same smile. Same smile, same me. I hope. ;)

Yellow

2010-10-21T02:53:00.003+08:00

So I went through my old emails. And I found quite a bit of shit. Found old pictures. From when I had short hair and when I had my rebonded fringe. Yeahh. OMG, so retarded. But oh well, everyone has had days like that. I gonna upload them soon maybe. Now, blogger maintenance so no photo uploads.

Anyway, what I intended to find was actually an open letter from an old friend. Reading it again, today, was just hauntingly painful. I could remember what I was feeling/thinking when I first read that email. And I can't forgive myself today for feeling/thinking that way. For giving her that kind of reply. I don't know.

At least now I know, why things ended the way it ended. For all these time, I kept thinking no one was to blame. That it was inevitable. But maybe, just maybe, I could have done something all those years back. If only, I hadn't been sooo self-centered. So self-absorbed with myself, then things wouldn't have ended the way it did. Or would it, still.?

Well, whatever.

Like a bitch

2010-10-12T14:46:00.007+08:00

Soo how do I start yeahs.?? Hmmm.

Kay kay, right now I've got 1week of holiday left and being at home is sweet. I've swept the floor of the whole house. Munched on kerepek pedas. Baring baring. I need to start on my books though. They're somewhere on my table. Yeahs, somewehereee..... Which reminds me, I NEED TO CLEAN UP MY ROOM. My desk is beyond hope. My clothes. Yeahs, my clothes are ermmm, in a ridiculously messy heap on the floor or somewhere. But then again, what's new right.

So anyway, I intend to blog a little about my Poly Forum (PF) experience but let me start with my usual grouses first.

Lately, I can't help feeling extremely cautious about some people. It has something to do with a dream I had a month back. And it sort of triggered this Don't-you-dare-try-to-mindfuck-me-cause-I-am-watching-you attitude you know. Yeahs, but then again I also feel like just screwing up some things because a certain someone asked me not to. And I just love to go against everything that certain someone says. Especially when I am still trying to get a reaction from that certain someone. OH FUCK, what am I talking about.!? Confusing much. Hmm. And now, yours truly might have just gotten herself into shit with some people but whatever. I should be able to handle it all. If anything bad happens, I know who to find. I could just be imagining it all too. There might be nothing to it, after all. Well, I hope.

Next, Poly Forum.

It was kick-ass FANNTASTICALLY awesome. I didn't regret doing it at all. Even though Chester couldn't make it. Even though I came in not knowing anybody but Jess and Nina. Even though, I thought it was gonna suck real bad because I didn't like the topic that was being discussed. Even though, I did it just to get more SEAL points. Yeah, despite all that, it was WORTH MY TWO WEEKS OF VACATION.

Had a fish family. Formed a Brotherhood. Revived the loser dance. Bimbo antics. Totally forgot all my dance steps and freestyled on stage. Miss Sunshine tak menjadi. Failed night walk. Swimming at dawn. Wet dreams. Singapore Flyer. Deputy deputy leader. Handphone spoilt. Retro Night. Crazy dancing. Speaker burned. Eye candy. There's more to it than all these. But yeah, you get the point. It was crazy. It was fun.

Well, I've also met people I can now call friends. Could never have imagined myself doing something like a forum. Never. But really, I've always believed things happen for a reason. And that we meet people for a reason too. And I met these people for a reason. Never know what the future holds in store for us no.?

To be honest, 2 years ago I would never have imagined myself to be friends with people like them either. I mean no offence. I was a stick in the mud. Judgemental and stereotype people too much. And I never quite understood some type of people. I THOUGHT wrong. I was very wrong actually. I realised you could be friends with anybody if you tried. Its a matter of perception too. If I had went to the forum thinking that these people were such and such, I would have made a huge mistake. SIGHS. Well, at least I didn't. And now I am so grateful I have them. Really.

I don't like having too many friends. I don't do well in the keeping-a-friendship-going department either though. This is pretty evident from my past. So yeah, there is still that flicker of doubt. But yeahs, I believe, as long as it lasts, we will make it a friendship worth keeping.

So that's it for my Poly Forum experience.

And since I've been back I have been so busy my parents are now not on good terms with me. SIGHS. But at least I got to meet K, the brotherhood and sweetheart. Had a Global City gathering too. And yeah, pretty much my whole life's on FB now. Been camping there a lot. Stupid me. And yeah, I am so broke now. YAY ME. Yeah lah, who ask me go out so much. Mummy never give allowance lagi. Repair phone some more. Grrr. And that fucking F1 hotel did give me my full pay but its all gone now. Soo yeah, this week staying at home sounds like a good idea. And maybe I just might. No karaoke with K already too. :( Sad sad, final week.

Oooh, I've said this before. And I will say it again. Being friends with boys with girlfriends is wayy easier. Yeahs, no.?

And lastly lastly lastly, should I stop wearing my "couple" ring.? Hmmmm.

Drive

2010-10-03T00:25:00.003+08:00

MUAHAHAHA. AKU DA OKAY PEOPLE.!

Aku memang budak banyak perangai. Suker emo nemo, suker giler giler. What to do sootu kuduuu.? KAKAKAKA. (I am a girl with many faces. Like to emo nemo, like to crazy crazy. What to do butt fuckkk.) MEOWZAA

Kay kay , serious. My mind has a mind of its own when PMS takes over. There's a lot of shit I have to do now before I leave for my 4days trip. But I'll blog belen2 jap sikit.

I have been a REALLY good daughter so far. Woke up at 6am everyday and went home by 9. Awesome much.? Thank Poly Forum. Will blog more about it when the event concludes.

Sooo the rare meet ups with friends I ever got was with K and A.

I FINALLY met with K dear on thursday night. Sooooo SORRYYY again for the really sucky birthday present, K. You deserve better darls. Sorryy yeahh.!! Yeahs yeahs, so Bugis area it was. No sheesha that night cause it was just the two of us. Shopped, eat, bitched, gossip, talk, talk, talk. Too sad there ain't no pictures. SIGHS. Karaoke tak kesampaian dongg. :(

Friday night, crashed Bam's pit with A and her dudee. Blah blah. I craving for raspberry v. A thought I farted. I REALLY hate to walk through Paris mangrove area at night. Midnight or not midnight, magrhib or not magrhib, I VERY SCARED. FUCK YOU SYAA.! Yeah basically, I was scared to death. I have no idea how the fuck do you walk through there at midnight.! All those couples, tak takut pe dorang. Seram nak mampus. Giler pe orang.

Okay okay, that's it. Need my sleep. Have had only 6 hours of sleep everyday so far. Time for my usual 12 hour. Nights baby.! (:

Lost

2010-09-29T21:17:00.002+08:00

I really don't know why I still bother with this damn blog. I love blogging, true. But, it takes up time for me to think out of what to write about and time is what I don't have. Or rather, time is what I like to waste.

So anyway, it has been really busy lately. I can't remember what I did on what day anymore. Nobody is ever free to hang out/lepak when I want to and PMS had me real bad these past few days. So shitty shitty bang bang. All my new pictures on FB are all school related stuff. OMG please. First, I hate how I look in those pictures. Second, I DO NOT like people whose picture all revovle around some school stuff. It is SOOO KENTAL pleaseee. Now I have become one. OMG, I feel damn malu okayy.!

And and, have been pondering over what it means to be a friend. Some past decisions just don't seem justified today. Thinking it was okay to let a friend do shit. Thinking being there was enough. Thinking if I they're happy I will be too. You know. Fuck it lahhh. Regret and guilt hanging over me like an oversized trench.

Don't feel like meeting anyone now or for the rest of my holidays maybe. Don't know why I do what I do anymore. Everything I do is either for someone or just to pass time. Nothing means anything. Trying to find meaning but nothing seems to matter to me anymore. Things happen, perspective change, you get tired and exhausted with dealing and all you want to do is avoid.

School, work and friends. I lost all meaning in those. I used to want to do well, had an ambition, had the faith I would somehow make it one day. I used to like adventure, new environments, new experience. I used to want to be the best of friend I can be, tactful and careful, treasure the little friends I had. Now, fuck it all. I don't want to care. I don't want to anymore. Come and go. Appear dissapear. Have don't have. Mampuss lahhh.

It sucks. Really sucks. But give me time. To sit down to sort these thoughts out. To get over all this broodiness. And I'll come out all fine and okay and you will be reminded of what an erratic girl I can be.

Glee time baby. Sighss.

Indulgence

2010-09-14T01:00:00.003+08:00

Okay serious. This THE last self indulgent post I will do in a long time(or not). Because, I just realised I got shit loads of pictures of me cam whoring. Then like sayang ar if I don't use it somewhere. So I gonna dump it all here. Be prepared for the over load of Syasya up close. Ohh but it is in a collage so no worries. And yeahs, I even uploaded 5 different profile pictures on FB. Because I went through old pictures and found some that I like and the new ones. So you see, I couldn't decide which picture is best so I uploaded all.! Perangai CAM-WHORE all the way righttt.!!! TSK3.

Frequently Asked Questions

2010-09-02T01:15:00.005+08:00

This is my version of FAQs. I just realised I give so many different answers to these questions some times. So let's set it straight. If you want be an extra, you can ask me any question. Any question and I promise I'll answer it honestly. ;)

So here goes,

1. You look like you have Indian blood.? (Or are you mixed.? Along those lines, you get the picture.)

My answer: I am malay. On my IC its malay. But yeahs, I do have a trace of Indian somewhere but its not much. Probably about 1/8 or less pure Indian only. To be honest I can't be very sure because I am mix of so much from Bugis, Arab, Indian but the most sure I can be is that I am half Javanese.

2. Did you perm your hair.?

My answer: No my dear. My hair is all natural. It has been curly all my life. The only unnatural thing about my hair now is the colour though. ;)

3. You look familiar, have I seen you before.?

My answer: Yeahs I do get asked that quite a bit actually. I have no answer to this really. My conclusion is that I probably have such a COMMON face that you think you've seen me before. Kekeke. Because for sure I have never seen you before. You must have seen me in your dreams ar. HEHEH.

4. How come you so smart.?

My answer: First, Alhamdullilah because I have always been able to do well in school. But really, I am not that smart. I just study like you all do. Everyone can do well if they tried hard enough I guess. (:

5. Why do you laugh like that.?

My answer: I do get asked this ALOT. Since forever. People think I laugh weird sometimes. What to do, I was born with it. But yeah sometimes I do like to giggle awkwardly and it catches people off guard and then they think I am weird. But its alright, cause sometimes I get these random funny thoughts and can't help giggling or I just feel like nak kacau kacau org.

6. Why don't you have a boyfriend.?

My answer: If I got a penny for everytime someone asked me this, I will be rich maybe. I don't want to answer this one really cause it'll result in a long personal essay. To sum it up, I really don't need one. If I am fine as it is, why trouble myself with the messes of having one right.

(Edited out last question. Tak perlu.)

Hmmm, as of now that is it. This is one indulgent post lahh kan. Me loves it~~

Pure

2010-09-02T00:58:00.004+08:00

Do I look wayyy innocent or whatt.

I just found these pictures on my desktop. My sister must have uploaded them a few months back I guess.

I can't help wishing I could go back. All I cared then was if Ibu would "ikat duer" or tie my hair into two pigtails like that or if I could find my sister at the playground, or when will I get my Barbie House. Those were the things I cared about. Now I go to sleep worrying what if I'd be in future or how am I going to finish studying finance by tonight.

So what about you.? What was your childhood like.? Don't we all wish we were young again.

To be honest, I can't talk about my childhood too much. If I did, I will start bawling. No kidding. I am one sentimental girl. If there is one thing I hold on to dearly, it is my past.

Monster

2010-08-28T02:09:00.004+08:00

Yeahs yeahs, I have been wanting to blog so much but it is so hard to find time to really sit and remember all the things I wanted to blog about. There is so much I feel like saying. LIKE A LOT. But then I don't know how much I should write.

Lets start with the typical, what-have-i-been-up-to-lately. As much as it is boring to all/most of you, I like recalling my days. I like writing them down because one day I'll go back to my archives and remember the days like it was just yesterday.

Soo from where I left off on my last post...

My week was HECTIC.

Most of my days were spent at the village. My official role was ACP Events Assistant. What do I do exactly.? Well, easy said there are performances held at the village and I help with all the back stage stuff so I don't work with the athletes. So yeahs. But nonetheless, my job is AWESOME. I like my days there. I love what I did. I love the whole experience. I will never regret this ever.

I got to meet the performers which was cool enough. I met a bunch of killer B-Boys/Girls from Cambodia, a group of fire stunt dudes/dudettes, beatboxers, dancers, gay dancers (HEHE), yo-yo trick guys, freaky clown-ish people and more more more. My job of following these performers meant I got alot of attention and that I LOVE. I love ATTENTION, remember.? So perfect right this job for me. WOOOO

Some days sucked. Like how I waited alone in the changing room while the party goes on outside and all I could hear was the ticking of the clock. Freaky much.? And how I had to wear stupid ponchos and have the rain spoil my hair as well thus making me look like a drowned cat. And sometimes, I had to tahan the weather and fast.

But overall, the good times far outweigh the bad moments. Met awesome people too. The freaky guy who seemed to be everywhere. Our kick ass team. The sweet abang who teman-ed me buka. Haiya alot of people lah. :D

So yeahs, thats it for my days as a volunteer for the YOG. Sighs.

Actually I got a lot of photos to upload but my lappy leceh ar nak upload pics. Must use desktop which I lazy use now cause its sooooo slow.

So anyway yeahs, I went to sheesha on thursday with K and Shai and his friend/adik. Sheesha with a cough. Siaper ajar.? Tsk3. I think my throat or lung died for a while that night. Bumped into two familiar faces and talked about old times. Sighs. We were all so different back then weren't we. Wore a maxi dress for the first time too. Awkwarddd. But whatever right.

What else what else.?

Oh yeahs, I am supposed to start studying but obviously am not. But what's new right. Went out to study thrice but failed. The first time, I ended up at Ikea shopping for a box. I ended up dragging home my big box on the bus and my weighing scale in my bag. Wednesday what. I forgot wednesday no plastic bag. Deng deng. The second time, we badminton-ed and lepak-ed for hours at KFC. Fail lah we. Third time, went to meet L for a while and lepak-ed again. SHEESH. Me and lepak BFFs sia.

Also I went for dinner/break fast at Shabu Shi at AMK. Aileen's treat. :D Ate so much but yummy lah. I spammed the beef like a typical carnivore. I am a MEAT kind of girl. Not seafood. Was supposed to join them for sheesha thereafter but I actually turned the offer down. WOO ME.~~~~~ I decided to head home instead. So proud of myself lahh. HEHEHEH.

And that's how it went. That obviously wasn't everything but like I said, its boring so I pity you all reading all that shit lahh. (:

EXAMS PLEASE BE OVER QUICKKK~~~~~~

And then there is the totally unrelated part of the post. Which involves me writing down the issue that's been bothering me for days now. This issue is haunting me like crazy. But look at the time. I want to sleeep. So maybe another day then. Malam darls.

WAIT, I have an idea.!!! Like suddenly I realised I want to do a post on questions I get asked the most. That one next time too.

Okay okay. Thats it. Ciaoo.

Dadi

2010-08-24T16:42:00.002+08:00

Wanted to just tweet this but it got too long so blog it is.

I just DO NOT understand how the fuck do you fall in love so easily. Them pretty sweet caring gentle girls and their constant flow of boys. Sheesh. Yeah yeah, I sound very pissy and you think I am jealous. I am not. Envy more like it. How do they open up so much so fast. If you can tell me how, tell me now.

And no, I don't want to be one of them girls. Just envious.

Anjing

2010-08-16T15:27:00.003+08:00

Meow meow anak kucing
Anak kucing lari lari
Jgn sedih jgn fikir sampai pening
Harap you okay by besok pagi.

Noww THAT was my major fail at trying to use a pantun to cheer K up. Sorry huns. My malay karat giler kann.

Anyway, the fasting month has started. And I missed only the first day so far thanks to my cough but its getting better now so I can still fast. But the suckiest thing has to be that I have not been at home to buka at all actually. I was only home on the first day but I wasn't fasting that day so it doesn't count right. All the other days when I was actually fasting, I had to buka puasa di luar bersama teman-teman or merely cause I was lazy to head home so early. Aper punya manusia saya ni. Sighs.

So anyway, I finally did my hair on thursday. Blew 200bucks off just like that. But but NO, I must not regret doing it. I don't like the feel of regret. So yeahs, I am officially MINAHFIED now. Left with my tongue piercing which might never happen considering my fear of pain. But a girl can dream. Ohh wait, I look like a minah but I am not one lah dearr. Right.?! Well, as long as my girls know that. I just have this crazy tendency to want to look as minah as possible. Because its fun to see what people expect of you just because of how you look. And then its also fun to see their reaction when they find out you are not what you look like after all. See, life's a game.

Ooh and I went to watch The Last Airbender with my sister and brother. I LOVEEEE that movie. I don't care if you hate it or not. I like it means I like it. I am not about to pretend to judge a movie like some big ass movie critic and you ain't either so suck it up. Wanted to head home to buka but then I felt generous and treated them both to Popeyes instead. Yummy mummy dummy.

My F1 job training on saturday had me travelling all the way to Clarke Quay. I am so the slengz because that was my first time going to Clarke Quay. I mean when I think Clark Quay I think alcohol. And I don't drink..... After the training I went to break fast with K. Wah so long never meet her you know. Like finally. Geylang was giving me headaches but the food droolsssss.

Lastly, I have officially started my YOG duty. Day one was pretty awesome I must say. But I don't want to speak too soon for the upcoming days. I think I shall try to grab pictures while on duty. If I stop being so malu in front of them I might get pictures. The athletes are melts. The job is alright. The venue is cool. Highlight of Day 1 was probably the weird volunteer dude who kept appearing out of nowhere. He acts like he da lamer kenal me you. Tak leh angs siaa. But I layankan still. And thus, he keeps sticking around me and my guy/performer/dude. Weirddd. But funny lahh layan karena orang. And of course, I have established myself to be Queen Bimbo of the team.

Alright that's it. Today I had my day free. Lots of rest. Lazy days at home never felt any better. Shall finish cleaning up my room now. My clothes are all over and so is everything else on my desk. I can't even find my home specs since yesterday. Crazy messy shit. Or I might go nap instead since it's raining now. And my bed is cool and nice. Hmmmm~~~

Don't let

2010-08-09T21:40:00.004+08:00

Meowz. Yours truly is sick. I've tried to spam my throat with blackcurrant hacks hoping that if I got rid of the sore throat, I wouldn't fall any sicker and then that'd just be it. Unfortunately no. My body decide to betray me and fall sicker. Dengs betul.

So now, I have a nose running like a tap half the time and the other half of the time it's blocked, coughing like a dog, voice 3/4 gone. I am exhausted. Truly exhausted. Malas tau nak layan badan sakit. Sheesh.

So anyway, I have to rest and sleep enough tonight. Hopefully I'll feel better by Wednesday so I can puase. Puase=Eat less.!

Besides that, I'm one happy girl. Because I got a new dress. I am a girl. Girl with a new dress. Kekeke. I went shopping for some shoes, clothes, makeup. I don't shop a lot. But when I do, I really do. Girls. Tsk3.

So I went over to my uncle's chalet at paris on Friday night and Saturday night. I have pictures to upload but my lappy won't let me upload the pics from my camera. Sighs. I watched DVDs inside the whole time while everyone else was outside bbq-ing. Princess Syasya. And I layan-ed my two small niece and nephew. SO CUTE PLEASEEE. I gave them all the plain papers I had in my bag so they could draw. Eeeshh, so cute I geram youuu. I can't wait for my sister to get married and have kids. Then I'll get to manjekan dorang. WOOOO. ;)

And after all that shopping, crazy food fest at the chalet, I finally fell sick this morning while on my way to say hi to Tok Meow. Sighs. I couldn't even eat. Not when your nose won't stop running. So today, i haven't had anything to eat except a few mouthful of rice. So the rest of the day was spent forcing my body to feel better but to no avail. No fireworks for me. No shopping (which I really wanted to do today). *SOB SOB*

Blah blah, therefore I haven't had a proper rest at home. I feel miserable. I miss the good old lazy days. But then again, I like getting ready, putting my makeup on and going out. Deng, I am one confused lady.

Okay lah, I keep complaining about being sick its really annoying.

Study week has officially started. I hope I get to actually study something. And that's it. Malam.

All the way

2010-08-04T20:49:00.004+08:00

Firstly, what have I been up to?

Last Wednesday was sweet. Once in 3months.

Well, last friday I went for the YOG Opening Ceremony rehearsal. It was a huge waste of time. Rushed there after CAS test in the ugly green TP T shirt. No offence to the tshirt or the tshirt owner (teehee), but green just ain't my colour. The fact that the Tshirt was an Applied Science shirt got more attention than the horrendous colour mismatch. So yeah, at least I had the company of Mr Becok KC and sweet sweet SY. I think I spent 3hours just walking that night. Not much of a show to watch at all really. The conversation KC, SY and me had was probably way more interesting. Wanted to grab supper but went home to sleep. Sucky Friday alright.

Saturday I woke up wayyyy early in the morning to go to Redhill. Supposed to see if my YOG pass and uniform was ready but apparently its not. So I wasted my morning and my money travelling there. Went off to Bugis to meet A that afternoon. Passed up sheesha so we'll have money to shop. Good girls. Reached home at 9. Early or what. I hope Ayah realised. :D

Sunday. I lost my sunday pictures. :( So merajuk ar. I don't want blog about sunday. Monday is monday. Slow-mo day.

So on tuesday I went to register for that F1 job. Better a job than nothing. Especially with my messed up holiday schedules. After which, I went to shop with Sy and bumped into A and the two adik-beradik-looking pair Far and Moosy and some other dude fiq, i think. Spent 30minutes in a bikini shop with A. Bought some top on impulse while waiting. Sheesh. Do you do that? Like so bored and just picked something to buy like orang kaye gitu. HEHE. Stoned in tutorial and back to Tamp with Sy. Giant, Ikea. And yeah yeah. Lots of walking. Tired B. I sungguh tired.

Yeah, my life is THAT interesting I know rightt. Sarcasm included there. (:

Secondly, I can't wait for the next few weeks/months. Got some interesting things lined up for me to do. And some pretty urgent matters to see to. Soo, just in case, I've gotta say sorry if I paitao/ditch/can't make it. I ain't the best of friend, I know i know. Sighs.

Lastly, I just found out what kind of guy Ayah was when he was younger. And I have to say he was the kind guy I hate now. Awesomeee. Ooh, but at least I know why I ain't girlfriend material. It runs in the genes.

Play on

2010-08-03T00:27:00.004+08:00

We were up all night, talking trash and wasting time
When he says you're beautiful, it's not a line
But in the morning you might find that
he might have changed his mind
He can only fall in love for just one night

Even when he lies he means every word he says 
His delusions find their way inside your head
And he knows that beauty lies
But he likes it by his side
Just to take it for a ride until the mystery dies

-The like

Soo I had tons of pictures to upload but I lost it. My laptop buat hal and poof gone the pictures. I wanted to blog about my weekend but i think I'll do it some other night instead.
Wan An.

Lies

2010-07-26T22:38:00.003+08:00

It is that time that of the month. No, not my menses you idiot. The PMS stage. Like you know, when you keep craving all kinds of foods and miraculously your appetite multiply by 10 and you eat like a 100kg girl would. Yeah THAT time of the month.

I do not like this time of the month. Sighs. So I had canadian pizza for lunch, seafood for my birthday dinner at a chinese muslim restaurant and mac's spicy nuggets for supper and mummy's leftover food for yet another supper. I ate that in ONE day. Thanks eh perut. Thanks a lot. But what the fuck, I should stop complaining about that. Da digested pun. Heheh.

Anyway, I am in some pretty major shopping mood now. I think I might just go window shopping by myself tomorrow since I end early. I like surveying what to buy first before I actually go shopping. More thrifty that way.? I am only thrifty when it comes to spending my money on clothes. Soo ader traits jadi accountant takk.? ;)

I need to get stupid cargo pants. I need to get contacts. Colourless or colour ehh.? Hmmm. I need to SAVE my money. September got a lot of plans siaa. Haiyooo. I want to get a job but my holidays are taken up by the Poly Forum. :(

And I am in a hella of dilemma. This friday I got two events to attend at the same time. How B, how.? Both is in the evening. One's in Simei and one's in Marina Bay. Both is equally important. Double sighs. I need to make a lot of phone calls for this. If you were me, would you rather go an Award Ceremony or the YOG opening ceremony rehearsal.? Actually, doesn't matter cause either way I am going the YOG shit since I think its wayy more fun.

So anyway, Aunty took me out for that birthday dinner over the weekend. Ain't she the sweetest. We ate at Kampung Chai Chee Restaurant somewhere in Changi. I don' know if you've heard of it but it's pretty decent. I was greeted by some CUTE male waiters. And the food is not bad. Then we cabbed back to my place. I had my third change of clothes for the day to head out to Tamp. I was falling asleep by then, to be honest. I mean I've been up since 8am that day because of the YOG site briefing. But the free canadian pizza courtesy of SYOGOC more than offset the fact of making me wake up so early on saturday.

That was my weekend. How was yours.?

Come Right Out

2010-07-24T01:55:00.003+08:00

Wooo. I feel better now already. I have no idea what was wrong but tonight had been the worst sheesha session for me, ever. There was nothing different but I felt really bad and sick. Sheesh. But doesn't matter now cause I feel wayy better now.

So yesterday was cool. My 18th birthdayy baby. I am legal now. Though it doesn't make much of a difference to me, really. I don't need to buy ciggs or alcohol or club. Good girl I am. It is kinda scary to think I am 18 though. I mean don't you all get very freaked out thinking how much time has passed and so much has happened. Sighs. And not to mention I went to bed miserable. Never cried so much on my birthday ever. Cry over stupid shit some more. Not cool babe, not cool at all.

But the day wasn't so bad lah actually. Joshua aku the best sumpah. I already spent that gift card the voodoo bunch got me too. And annabel and Kc so sweet can.? Bought me a dress. Thanks lovely.! And and I still have two more chocolate cakes in my refrigerator. And and yeahs I am having trouble with my hair but still thank you girls cause I really needed a haircut anyway.! Korang owe saya lepak session seh. Birthday gue lepak sekejap babe. Heheheh. JOM MOSI JOM. And the guys temaned me watch Inception too. Didn't even knew you guys were coming. And and my brother is the cutest sweetest thing alive. I love himmm lahh. HE IS SO CUTE I WANT BITE HIM. He surprised me too. Cute right cute. He first time spent money for my birthday. Awwww. And and my cat ears.! I FINALLY GOT THEMM. Lovess it.!! Adik saya the best. She searched high and low for it. In short, I can't complain much. Terima Kasih from the bottom of my heart. Apologies for my stupid moody emo nemo moments. I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad. I appreciate it a lot kayy.! (:

Okay okay, enough about my birthday lahh. So tonight I got my YAMI YOGURT. Craving baby. And sheesha-ed at Pyramid. Some random cafe by the side of the road. We went so late so many places all taken up. Hahaha. That was how I got so sick on the way home. Sighss. Oooh and E wished me a belated birthday. Surprised much. But I am touched she remembered. Though I might have freaked her out with my I-hate-my-hair line. HAHA. That's it lah. I need wake up at 8 on a saturday morning.! :(

Babyyy

2010-07-23T01:29:00.002+08:00

Before I forget, THANK YOU MY LOVELY KICK ASS AWESOME DARLING GIRLS.!
Sorry if I was moody and yeahs I do hate my hair now but I really really appreciate it anyway. Sayang you girls lahhh.!!!! XOXOXO

And to the beloved hooligans and the girls and abangku, TERIMA KASIHHH. You guys are awesome too.!! Especialy Joshua arr. Kau the best broo. Sayangg kauuuu.

Like

2010-07-20T18:37:00.003+08:00

Random siaa this pic. I mean I think like boring ar blog without pictures. So there, amek kau. Me acting retarded at LJS.

First, I think I am screwed. Woo. I am losing interest in the YOG volunteering job that I signed up for. How to survive 7 days working for them like this. And it's coming in a few weeks only. How people HOW.?! Must suck it up and do it. Ooh not to mention there's the poly forum right after the exams end. Moral of the story: Don't sign up for things just to see hot people/impress someone.

Second, why oh why oh why oh why do I keep thinking I need to lose weight. :((((((((((( (This is nothing new. Hheehe.) But really, love-hate relationship sia me and my body. I came home from school today and ate my lunch and then I napped for 2 hours. Someone, get me to the gym please. Or maybe to a doctor. Nah nah, okay okay no more complaints about the body already. :S Moral of the story: I need help.

Third, I've always been tactful right.? Like I try to most of the time right.? I tell you what you need to hear and even if I think you are one fucker, I'd just smile and say you're one kick-ass awesome human. So if I suddenly become one hell of a bitch to you then you deserved it. Do not step on my toes=crushing my ego. I ain't gonna be nice no more=I'll tell you and your face the ugly truth. I'll screw your life inside out upside down. Don't give me the sad face thing. Don't make me feel guilty. I'll bite your head off. Thank you very much. So moral of the story: Stay on my good side.

Finally, anyone want go swimming with me tomorrow morning.? ;)

I kid I kid. Got a test tomorrow so I gotta study.

Yes Me

2010-07-18T15:34:00.005+08:00

Dear -,
You know what. I hate you. I hate you like I've never hated anyone before.
I hate you with all my heart and soul. To the deepest of depths it can go to.
I just hate you.

But I hate you is just my way of saying -

Anyway, I gonna go buy me some chocolate. Macam craving dong. And I shall do my tutorials today, hopefully. I am bored so why not right. Oh INCEPTION. I still want to watch that. (:

The Like is awesome.! And they're coming down for Singfest. Too bad, besides Katy Perry, Smashing Pumpkins and The Like, I don't really feel the want to go even if I could. Wooo me.

Let go

2010-07-17T21:13:00.002+08:00

I love lazy saturdays. Always have, always will. So what did I do on this occasional lazy saturday.? Its not always I get time off at home like this you know.

Well, I wacthed my hindustan movieeee baby. But this morning had started out like shit because I had to go to school for a practical test. Stupid accounting software. I mean, it was such a nice weather to sleep in but stupid test and stupid school. Sheesh. So I got up early to read my notes=studying. And then I thought I was late for the test but apparently we started the test 30minutes than the initial time. Double sheesh. Oooh, and on my way back from school Adik called me crying on the phone. What the shit.?!! I walked through bedok res so fast I almost slipped a few times on the mud. Andd bus 5 on saturdays sumpah perangai. I waited for 30 minutes for it. Geram kan gerammmm.! But never mind, I got home and adik was all happy and preppy putting on make-up to go out. Buat klakar pe eh.

Soo when I finally had time to myself, I decided to watch Kal Ho Na Ho. Da stress kan, what to do sooto kuduuu. Then I watched my vampire diaries. And now, I am blogging. I think I'll stop now and study a bit. Nerdd kan saya. Saya tahu dong. ;)

Nahh, forget studying. I think I'll go disturb my brotherrr. Cute tau dier. Cuteee saya gerammmm. By the way, if you want to ask me out or look for me please text me. Don't rely on Msn.

Say Don't Want It

2010-07-13T23:29:00.002+08:00

Woooo~~

Something is up with my eyes and I can't see well but whatever. I am youtube-ing looking for new songs now. Bored out of my life really. But I feel pretty awesome all thanks to a phone call from Aunty.

Soo she called when I was on my way home and she's such a sweetheart pleasee. I love her.!! Despite her condition, she wants to take me out for dinner. Sweet much. Sighss. And call me sentimental but I teared up when she told me about her plan. I mean she bothers to call me up, ask about me and take me out even though she really shouldn't be. But I am always so caught up in my own life. I don't even call her. Double sighs.

So anyway, I spent my Tuesday with A and L. Ditched studying for them, duh. Had a good ass crazy laugh on bus 7. Hehe. Plan to town cancelled and sheesha-ed instead. Aisyahs+Bugis=Sheesha.

Soo that's it. Malas da nak berbual. (:

Drummer

2010-07-12T01:07:00.003+08:00

So everyone is staying up tonight to watch the World Cup huh.? If i don't end up falling asleep I might just catch it. I mean, I don't really see the point why I wanna watch. I would if I'd placed a damn bet but no money. Hmm, and I didn't want to be one of those clueless girls who watch just so the guys think they're cool. And I have watched NONE of the matches so far anyway so I don't know who the hot players are too. Sooo might as well not watch rightt.? We'll see, we'll see.

So Saturday night, I went with Siying dear to tampines to do some " shopping". She is really such a sweetheart. I like talking to her. She tolerates my nonsense. And then I went off to meet my girls at paris. Did the usual lepak minah style. Paris is still my fave place to go. I don't care if it brings lots of scary possibilities, I will still go there.

Anyway, its 1am and I am doing my hair now. Awesome much.? NO. I want cut all my hair off to be honest. I hate my curly hair. Damn you straight haired girls. :)

One Night Only

2010-07-09T23:50:00.002+08:00

Finally, finally i shall blog all I want. The weekends are here and I have a free night so blog I shall. Chey chey, english proo not.?? ;)

So karaoke with K and A was awesome because it was my first time going with A. And damn we sungguh the feeling. Step Lady Gaga, hot stuff aye girl. And saw K's D too. Damn, I soo get why K is with him.

Anyway, lets see... I honestly can't remember what I've been up to except that I may have been slightly too busy with school to have any sort of social life. True no.? Because last night, both A and Jason said I studied way too much. Like seriously pe.? Sighsss.

Ohh yeahs, I got on the Director's Honours List babyy. Went for the Award Ceremony but it was nothing seriously. All I got was a certificate. It will make my portfolio look better though which is actually my aim for this academic year. I need to work harder and smarter. Just a good GPA doesn't cut it if I wanna make it to Uni right. So Insyallah ye, I'll get far in my studies. And the fact that my family and friends are encouraging me to keep doing better is a motivation.

So anyway, I wanted to watch eclipse but I suddenly think it is sort of bullshit. So to hell with eclipse. Inception is coming out but I'll be too busy with tests to catch it. Double sighs.

And and, sorrrrrryyyy if I can't talk much with you when you need me to. (: